From a Distance
I am sitting alone in my younger sisters house. Well, not alone. Her two cats and dog are with me somewhere. I am allergic too all three, so let’s go Claritin.
She is off having her first born about 15 minutes from here. I got a call at about 8 this morning from mom saying that she wanted me to accompany her to the hospital, 90 minutes from where I live. She just liked having that extra support. I agreed. But I wasn’t at the hosptial long before I felt uneasy.
I am not fan of those places. Even the maternity wing. Snooty nurses who tell me I am not allowed to sit here. (It was a couch in a hallway…) Badges. Waiting rooms. My sister laying in a hospital bed, and me knowing there were dozens of women within yards from me in various stages of childbirth. Not a process, location, or situation I was enjoying in any way.
The decision was made to send me here, instead. I could have warmed to the Anne Arundel Medical Center eventually, but being here is probably for the best. Histamines notwithstanding.
Because that whole “miracle of life” thing? It wasn’t doing anything for me while I was there. More open minded people could walk down the hallways and know that in each room the process of bringing forth an new human being was taking place. That knowledge would be mystical to many people in my position. I on the other hand was just hoping I wouldn’t hear anybody scream.
Life is a miracle in many ways. I believe that. However today has made me consider the fact that just because something is a miracle, that doesn’t mean you don’t require some distance from it in order for your mind and heart to process it.
I think it is true in other aspects of life as well. Like child birth there is the joyous and miraculous, and then there is the “eww.” And that’s okay. Sometimes we are too close to something to see all of its positive characteristics. Sometimes even something amazing can turn us off if we become too immersed in its every minute detail. Your favorite song will shatter your eardrum if played too loudly in your ears.
We won’t always have a choice in the matter. I will have to be much closer to the action when my own first born comes into the world, I am sure. But some people are made to enjoy every inner detail of what is great, (how to make the sausage) and other people would rather not know, and just prefer to have breakfast. For me, for now, I am in the latter camp when it comes to childbirth. But then again the context of my own kid being born may make the entire thing more “miracle” and less “eewww” once I get there.
Either way, remember both the distance and context of wonderful things. View them in any way that you can to make them more wondrous. Which now that I am 15 minutes away and free to surf the net, watch television and eat something without being yelled at, I can do in regards to my kid sister’s firsth child birth.