End of a “Friendship”
I had a falling out with someone the other day. Over Twitter. Someone I’ve known for a few years via the internet. They are geographically local and we got to chatting on a website, though we never met in person.
Nor we will ever be, after this week, and I don’t much care.
Truth be told, I liked them to a certain degree. She’s smart, a bit funny. But it was clear that she was one of the most self-absorbed, insensitive people I knew. I’ve known a lot of those type of people over the years, and sadly many of them have pretended to be friends of mine.
I unfollowed her on Twitter right afterward, when it became clear that as usual, my feelings on the matter were not relevant to her. She defriended me on Facebook the next day, and with one final “up yours” kind of message to her, that was the end of that. (No, i didn’t have to. Yes, I did it anyway, and I don’t especially regret it. I was only saying to her the exact same thing she had said to me.)
For a short while I was annoyed with myself after the argument. I asked myself if ever I would be able to avoid this sort of ugliness with people. It has been a common occurrence in my life to run into such small people that offer just enough to appear civilized for a time, only to reveal their true colors. But once I calmed down, I realized I have gotten better overall at avoiding/detecting such people.
This sort of thing really doesn’t happen as often as it used to, probably because I don’t let myself invest in people as much as I once did. The sad reality is too many people have treated me like shit over the years, and I finally by default began to adjust by assuming most people are not as fond of me as they appear until actions prove otherwise. Cynical, but necessary.
As a result, despite my disappointment over this recent event, I’m pretty close to over it already. I’m sure I’ll spit and snipe about it once or twice over the next two weeks as I marvel at the pettiness and duplicity of people as a whole, but it won’t alter my trajectory like it once would have.
It had been clear for a while that she only ever really engaged me when she needed something, or when she was whining and bitching about some general point I was making about a topic that didn’t concern them. She even had to publically take away “cool points” from me because I mentioned I was watching a baseball game. I mean, what’s it to you, right? You dress up like zombies for fun, and you don’t see me pointing out the obvious pathetic loserhood of that past time.
She never really offered me any help, and never made mention of anything I said or did with which she agreed. Never a compliment of any kind from her. I’m too old for that sort of thing.
Yet even with all that, absent of a specific attack, I didn’t feel right just dropping her out of my circle, though I knew there was little substance there. I guess in a way it was good she finally pissed me off enough to tell her how it was. (I often say the best way to piss off someone small minded is to behave towards them in the exact same manner they behave towards you, and that’s exactly what I did. Predictably she didn’t like it, and accused me of PMSing…the ultimate in intelligent rebuttal.)
It remains a mystery to me how often people really do express almost no concern for the feelings of other people. I take that back, it surprises me how often I personally cross paths with such with such narcissists. It seems to happen with a consistency beyond statistical probability. Whatever the reason, I don’t and won’t miss her.
Last week all she could mention to me was getting to the 8 pages of her vampire novel she’d sent me…saying she felt “forgotten” because I didn’t get to them as quickly as I had hoped. I had the nerve to be preoccupied by helping my mother in the wake of her surgery last week. Something this…individual didn’t express the slightest interest in.
I’m also satisfied I finally got to take the first step towards severing a connection, as opposed to someone else going first. (Because when people ignore me, they almost never give me a reason for it.)
Why do I write this? I don’t know, really. Perhaps just to express something other than anger over this all too familiar scenario. To express in words the fact that while I am annoyed and let down a bit, I’m at last able to handle at least some of this kind of crap in a more deliberate, calm way. I’m sure someone will make me angry with their attitude and egotism. But it’s nice to see I have enough discernment these days to not feel affronted when I lose the “friendship” of mental children like this.
Still a bit like biting into a sour grape though. But I can spit those out easily enough.