Reverb12 Day Thirty One: Looking Back and Ahead

tyunglebower ♦ December 31, 2012 ♦ Leave a comment

On the final day of the year as well as the final day of Reverb12, the questions and thoughts are obvious. I have used more than one source for prompts this year, both both of them essentially have the same goal; to get me and other blogger to think about what we’ve learned from doing Reverb this year, what we learned from this year in general, and what we hope to accomplish in the New Year.

So I’ll be shifting a mixing a little bit of both prompts for this final post of both Reverb12 and of 2012 itself.

As for the actual doing of Reverb this year, I am proud to say I was once again able to post something each day. I have to admit that I liked the prompts for Reverb11 better than those for this year most of the time. That is not in anyway a reflection on those who created any given prompt I used. Merely an observation that I feel my personal style was better reflected last year as opposed to this year.

That isn’t to say I regret taking part this year, for I certainly don’t. Many of the prompts still got me thinking, and forced me to look a bit harder at some truths within my mind than I might have otherwise done. And also of great importance it was a means by which I had some writing to do each day. Coming off of Nanowrimo in November, that was two months of nearly daily writing for purely personal projects. (As in not stuff I’m getting paid for.)

I will say that given the more introspective and philosophical nature of the prompts this year (from both sources), I came to the conclusion that I sometimes spend so much time being introspective that it’s actually difficult to put into words sometimes. I don’t mean to suggest that I am wise beyond most people, for I know I am not, nor would I ever try to claim I was.

Yet the struggles I went through coming up with answers to some of the prompts are indicative of someone who spends a little time reflecting each day. (And sometimes a lot of time.) The prompts seemed more geared towards people who needed a push towards introspection. I jump start to their inner eye if you will. As I don’t usually require such stimulus, the specificity of some of the prompts was problematic for me here and there.

On the other hand, I also wonder if my difficulty with naming specific meals that were the best, or particular pieces of art that moved me most throughout the year may be in some part due to a sub-conscious removal from certain aspects of society and the outside world. I am no hermit, but might my lack of discernible experience worth writing about in some of those areas indicate a lack of engagement in 2012? I won’t say yes, but I will say it is something worth looking into. For that reason alone, doing Reverb12 was worthwhile.

Now that my thoughts on actually doing the project have been explored, what about 2012 as a whole? I’ll say it was a year of many false starts and failures, frankly. My freelance business is not where I wanted it to be, or even where I had hoped it would be. My planned theatre company was an abject failure. The play I directed was nearly a failure, and from an attendance standpoint probably was. (Though I don’t take all of the blame for that one.)

False starts abounded. However, they were starts. My bad luck, lack of charisma and any number of other things that have plagued me and prevented me from a higher level of success were present in 2012. But I can at least look back and point to attempts I made. Attempts which, though possibly full of holes are were nonetheless more than I have attempted before. That’s noteworthy.

Then there are a few starts that succeeded somewhat. I won’t say my life is changed because I joined a writers salon this year, but it did provide a new quasi-social outlet for me, and did put me in contact with fellow writers. It has its ups and downs, but enough ups to keep me coming back for most of this year. And enough of a motivation to jump start my short fiction writing. To some extent at least.

2012 was not the year I “made it”, in any number of places where I thought perhaps I at last would. But it wasn’t the year where nothing happened either. I’ve had years of nothing, believe me.

And what about 2013? I’ll address that by way of the questions from the final prompt on I Saw You Dancing:

Now quickly and without thinking too much about it, finish these five sentences:

2013 is going to be MY YEAR because…

I both want and need it to be so. I have a few direction left to pursue that are not going to be fun, but are the final remaining things to try in certain avenues of life. It’s going to be my year (the first of many I would think) because I believe it is worth the time to make it my year. Not whatever it takes, but certainly more of what it takes than I have been previously prepared for.

In 2013, I am going to do…

dedicate my time, brain power, spiritual, mental and physical energy more specifically to my weaknesses. There are dozens of things people tell me I “need” to do that I simply know I will never be able to do. All the more reason to find the few specific things I can do and improve upon those.

In 2013, I am going to feel…

more productive. More forward thinking. Empowered. Successful.

In 2013, I am not going to…

make any assumptions about my place in my town, region, country or world. I am not going to assume that anybody else around me is interested in my success. I am not going to believe, as I did in 2012, that there are more than a few people in my circle who would stop for so much as five seconds to invest anything in my success. For a while at least, and in most cases, if I can’t do it without help from people who care, it won’t get done.

In December 2013, I am going to look back and say…

this is what I have been talking about. Finally.

Happy 2013 to all of my readers, new and old. After this I will probably be taking a bit of a blogging break in January. Two weeks or so. But make sure you tune back in near the end of the month to see just how much of my vision for 2013 I’m sticking to. Maybe some of you can even help me be accountable to that. What are you doing in 2013? Let me know, and I will see you all again in January sometime.

sincerely, Ty