Reverb13 Day Ten: Disengage Auto-Pilot

Living life on auto-pilot can feel disorienting and dull. How did you cultivate a life worth loving during 2013?  How can you turn off your auto-pilot button in 2014?

Truth be told I could have probably done a better job at specifically cultivating a “life worth loving” in the last year. It’s not something I think about specifically very often, though I do have moments and activities and certain events that I love at least a few times each year. Those tend to arise in a more natural way, however, as opposed to my cultivating them into existence.

I have this year begun the process of determining if I suffer from defined, clinical anxiety. (I have suspected I might for a while now.) This means finding a professional counselor to help me determine whether or not this is so. Not an easy process. And it has been made all the more troublesome to me because after some research and a personal recommendation, the first professional I went to was a total disaster. Thankfully I needed no more than the initial consultation to determine that, but it means I’ve had to start the process over, and I don’t think I’ll be able to get started this year after all.

So if not cultivating, perhaps I could call that “weeding” in a sense. Or a tune-up if that works better. Making life more lovable by determining if I suffer from something that can be alleviated. This in a sense relates to auto-pilot I suppose because inertia makes it easier to just keep living each day with my anxieties. I don’t enjoy them, but when I think about all of the things I have to go through to officially see if I have a clinical form of anxiety, I can’t help but thinking my life would be easier just left as it is. Auto-pilot. But I must disengage that auto-pilot in order to course correct.

So, once that process is at last officially off of the ground and doing its (hopefully) good for me, that is one way I will be shutting off auto-pilot in 2014. Thriving instead of surviving and all of that.

 

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3 Comments

  1. Mehnaz

    Good on you for seeking the help you think you need.

    And finding a counselor is a lot about fit. It doesn’t work out the first time always, much like most things in life. But once you find someone who is a good fit for your proclivities, then the real work can begin. Inertia can be a real killer. Good luck!

    • Thanks. It only makes sense, now. Odd as it sounds, i sort of hope it is a clinical thing, and not just an unfortunate idiosyncrasy.

  2. Kat McNally

    Therapy is an incredible way of breaking through the haze and laze of depression (if that’s what’s happening to you). Finding the right therapist is critical. Good luck! And don’t settle for anything less.

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