The Autistic Writer: On a Whim

tyunglebower ♦ August 23, 2023 ♦ Leave a comment

Over the years, I have been criticized for a lack of spontaneity. It’s an unfair assessment. Not that I think there is anything wrong with those are not spontaneous; I dare say it’s a somewhat overrated trait. It’s just that in the interest of accuracy, I refute the notion that I am never free-spirited.

If I am in a charitable mood, I can see why some would label me in this manner, however. Like most people on the Autism Spectrum, I not only appreciate the making of plans, but the sticking to same.

If you invite me out for drinks, say, at Main Street Tavern, and then to see a movie after the fact, I expect to stick to the announced endgame. I’m inwardly grumpy if I meet you at Main Street, and the group has decided the Elm Street Pub would be better. And the Elm Street Pub has trivia night, so we’re going to do that instead.

Not the end game I agreed to. Not where I allocated my mental and emotional resources. Not appreciated. And unless I am wearing my shiniest, thickest mask, people can probably tell I’m a tad out of sorts, and then come the labels.

“He’s not a spontaneous guy. He has to have everything planned out ahead of time.”

In reality, if you had just said, “we’re fooling around downtown for a while tonight, nothing special. Feel free to join us,” I would be open to going to wherever the proverbial winds blows. That’s because no endgame has been established or promised. I may prefer one, but I accept there isn’t one, and I can be good company.

This tendency carries over to my writing. With rare exception, I know how my books are going to end before I start them. I may not know exactly how to arrive at that ending, but I know what the endgame is. It may need to change, but in typical Autistic fashion I remain quite attached to the previously established endgame.

As with other ASD characteristics, this has both ups and downs for the writer.

Having the conclusion in mind at all times provides me with a literary lighthouse. No matter how tossed I am by the tempests of writing and worldbuilding, I need only rely on the constant to lead me safely to shore in the end.

“I’m here. I need to get there. How?”

I am not a full on planner of every chapter, every book, but the long-though-about ending aids in navigation.

This arrangement does at time lead to impatience. If I am not cautious, the lighthouse becomes a sort of island of sirens, pulling me in at all costs with little regard to what happens in the mean time. I can’t say I’ve ever crashed on the proverbial rocks, but I have rushed through drafts when a careful, deliberate journey is called for. I must get to that endgame!

Even once all drafting and revisions are complete, the temptation to sprint to the destination of marketing, publishing and selling my book must be gently dealt with, and dismissed.

So there are spontaneous aspect of my personality. There are even spontaneous aspects of my writing process, especially in the early drafts of a work. Still, in both life and my work I will likely always be judged for being “too” deliberate, and I have learned to live with that.

Homemade banana bread.