Reverb11: 12 Things I Could Do Without
What are 12 things your life doesn’t need in 2012? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these things change your life?
I want to mix fun with serious in this post. Some of these things can not be done away with entirely. Yet let us explore my list. (This was not as easy as I thought it would be. I guess I don’t have as big a list of things I’d like to do without as I thought. Perhaps I am not a total downer after all?)
In no intentional order, I could do without the following in 2012:
1) Snow/Ice
Just being cold I can handle, even if I don’t like it. I can bundle up. Stay inside. The times when I do have to be out, cold is doable. Yet I have had it with snow and ice. And I have had it with people that are so in love with the shit they beg and pray for more of it, even though power lines are going down, cities are coming to a standstill, and people are suffering through lost work, health issues, and who knows what else. It’s easy for people who live in an isolated area and don’t have anywhere to go to love foot upon in foot of snow. The rest of us have lives that require, at minimum, electricity, and the ability to transport ourselves. So we don’t need all that. Some of my best friends love snow, and that is the least lovable thing about them.
I used to be okay with snow, but I survived Snowmageddon. After that, I would be happy if it dusted snow here and there at Christmas time, and never snowed again for the rest of the year. Sorry, Bing, I don’t need a White Christmas that much. I can’t drive in it. I have never been good at driving in it. Scares me, and screws everything up, and I could do without it. I can’t take steps to eliminate it in 2012, but I will take steps to stay out of it as much as possible. I check weather reports constantly before going anywhere in winter.
2) The Presidential Campaign
Not the election. We need the election, this being a republic and all. But I could do without the campaign. At least as they are defined these days. It will be a very important election, but it will take a year of some of the ugliest politics ever to get there. I vote, and keep track of current events, but campaigns in the United States have become endless, corporate-sponsored, bloated, mean spirited shallow messes with which I tire quickly. I am sure I will pay attention to some of it, because that is who I am, but I could honestly do without it as we know it. I wish it were like it is in the UK: limited money and limited time. You get those weeks, and that money and that’s it.
Again, I cannot eliminate the campaign of course. But I can keep my political TV show viewing to a minimal and I certainly will do so.
3) Tyler Perry Movies
Seriously, we have had what, about 13 “Medea” centered movies so far?
I have several problems with these movies:
-The idea that he has to play the old fat woman himself. Were there no women who could do it? It isn’t funny.
-The idea that less informed people of other races, or those unfamiliar with this country will think the popularity of the series means they are an accurate depiction of how black Americans behave. I have never once met an African-American who acted anywhere near they way Perry’s characters do.
-The ego of having “Tyler Perry’s…” in front of everything he does. Even Spielberg doesn’t do that.
-They pull down the culture curve for the entire nation.
I can’t do anything about it but refuse to watch them, which is what I have always done.
4) Positive Thinking Gurus/ Gen-Y Ninjas
Don’t get me wrong. I think being positive is useful and healthy. And I think there are plenty of Gen-Y experts and consultants that have something meaningful to offer the world. But I spent nearly two years online almost exclusively in their company, and man did I get tired of the “If there is anything wrong, think it away” and “I have nobody at all to thank for my success but me“, crowd. Yes, yes, I am sure that a person needs to take risks, have some optimism, and believe in themselves in order to go forward. Yet the extent to which some people take it is as grating as it is fruitless. Luck exists, bad days or months are legitimate, and thought patterns are not the root of all good and evil. Period.
I plan to eliminate that “negative positive” by doing what I have already done-unsubscribe, unfollow, unfriend those that espouse too much of that. And I will also make an effort to not comment upon it much anymore. Many of my posts, tweets and writings of all kinds were burned on refuting the unfairness of that approach before now. I don’t want to continue such a use of my time and words.
5) Ambiguity
There is always going to be some of it between people. Timing, appropriateness of the thought and such things will on occasion dictate a non-committal answer. Yet I could do without most personal ambiguity.
“Are you attracted to me or not? Is this any good or isn’t it? Are you keeping a secret from me for a good reason, or do you just not want to tell me? No, what do you want to do today?”
These are the sort of questions, along with many others, to which I spend a great deal of time guessing the answers. Or otherwise I am pretending I do not see the various elephants in the room, and don’t broach subjects. I am hoping to eliminate at least some of that this year, by being more direct. Not blunt, and not without tact, but if I don’t want to be somewhere, I am going to say I want to leave. If I find that somebody is doing something I find objectionable, I am not going to equivocate when they ask for my thoughts on it. And I will tell someone when I think they are attractive. (Okay, maybe I will remain ambiguous about that one sometimes.) But to get less ambiguity, I suppose I have to project less of it myself.
6) Anxiety
I’ll be honest, I am not sure if my levels of anxiety about things fall within the normal range at times. I worry about the safety of others, and of myself quite a bit. To the point where if I am not fully engaged in a complex activity, I can’t always shut it off. I could do without that kind of at times encumbering worry. (I use that term because thus far it has not been paralyzing.)
How to eliminate it? The sad truth of the matter is that I may not be able to determine if it is excessive, or how to eliminate it if it is, without the professional advice of a trained counselor. I am not happy about this option, despite the fact there is supposed to be no stigma attached to it. I attach no stigma to other people who seek this sort of assistance. And yet when it comes to me, I hesitate.
Yet it probably needs to be done, if for no other reason than to determine there is nothing wrong that requires a remedy.
7) Career Uncertainty
I know. I can hear specific people already telling me that this cannot be eliminated totally. Perhaps not. But I could do without the notion of having no clue how I am doing, and where I am going next. To an extent that is the lot of a freelancer, but I intend to draw up a bigger, tighter, more custom fit plan moving forward than I have had before. Trying to follow how others do it did not work, and led me to wonder all the more what would become of my career. If I lay out my own plan, tailored to me, and researched to the ompteenth degree, I may have a better shot at knowing at least what I can expect from my talents. It will be long, scary, draining, grueling work, but it should at least begin to answer the question, “What is next for my career?”
8) Mid-Day Fatigue
This has actually improved somewhat in the last few months. Nonetheless, my freelance schedule, combined with a perpetual night owl status and a shortage of restorative sleep have combined over the years to making me feel as though I am dragging between 1PM to about dinner time. Sometimes after. I get tired of being tired, as it were.
Some may just be the nature of who I am, and my sleep cycles. There may be a limit to what can be done. Yet I plan to take some steps. I already have started taking a multi-vitamin each day. I hope to add an hour of sleep to my normal duration, if I can. I am investigating more natural sources of energy in foods that are healthy. Perhaps a decrease in anxiety will result in a decrease in mid-day fatigue as well. In which case, solving one problem will contribute to solving another.
9) Proselytism
It’s on television, in newspapers, on signs, in the middle of certain streets. Even in my Facebook feed. (Without liberal use of the unsubscribe button at least.)
Spending energy, time, and money in an effort to beat into the heads of your fellow man that you are deep and important enough to be totally aware of the intentions of the Almighty, and to further indicate that if your word is not taken for it, other parties will suffer infinite suffering in the afterlife? Yeah, I could do without that in 2012. And 2013, 2014, 2015, and every year for the rest of my life, and the afterlife. I hate it.
Like I said, I unsubscribe from feeds on Facebook that do too much of that, if not outright unfriend the people. I also make the effort to avoid the topic of religion when in mixed company. I will at times feel the need to post an anti-organized religion thing on my Facebook, but by and large I try to keep a lid on that indignation and just let the topic remain private as it should be.
10) Whole Family Gatherings
Most combinations of people within my family, at least among my siblings, do not get along. (Which is why I wonder about getting together for Christmas this year for a gift exchange.) Some of it is because there are some asses in my family. People whose individualism and sense of personal morality always trump cohesive family togetherness. Direct fights are uncommon, though they happen. Yet the number of people when we all get together that say nothing to one another in order to keep that peace certainly add to the absurdity of everything. I could do without more family drama this year.
Despite the pull, I may opt out of some of the all-in events that happen next year. I need my space from a good portion of the family that has never understood me, nor never attempted to do so. I tried to understand them, as one of the youngest, for a long time. They didn’t want it, and their apathy towards my position in life hurt at first, and now has caused a scar of numbness. I don’t care what they think anymore, and would sometimes rather just not see them. Let them go visit the members of the family with whom they do want to get along. I will do the same.
11) Friends that are “too busy”.
People have kids. Jobs. Lives. I get it. I hear it all the time. I respect it. Usually. Yet I think all of the above are used as an excuse as often as an honest explanation as to why messages go unreplied to, invitations go unaccepted, and people tend to vanish. You are not too busy, especially when I see that you are spending a great deal of leisure time with other people. You just don’t want to invest in our relationship, whatever it is.
And you know what? That’s fine. Hurtful sometimes, but if you don’t want it, you don’t want it. Yet if you do want it, put some effort into things once in a while. Friendships take work, and I could do without people who don’t seem inclined to contact me or respond to being contacted.
So I will carry over a few things that I started this year. Such as the Rule of Three. If I send three messages to someone that go unanswered, or no effort is made by them to contact me over the course of three solid months, they are history. I will waste no more time on people who can’t do any better than that. I am another piece in their collection, not another friend in their heart.
Professionals hate when I say this, but fuck them I am saying it anyway…friends make time. Period. That’s how it goes. You set aside time for your friends. We all have shit to do, but a real person sets some of it aside to let a friend know they matter. (Like, for instance, returning a message at least once a summer.)
12) Being far from friends.
As I mentioned in a previous post, most of my dearest friends are not accessible due to distance. I can’t drive to their place when I need to vent, or call in the morning to ask if they want to see a movie that evening. I can’t hug them, sit in their homes, hear their voices on a regular basis. Some of the most important people in my life I have not seen in ten years. I could do without such absences.
So, my hope is to maybe call a bit more often at first. And then, if all goes well, set aside some of the increased income I hope to be earning this year to go visit some of these people across the country. (It will take more because I don’t fly. I do only trains and buses.) But I have never visited any of my dearest cross country friends at their homes. True, none but one of them has ever visited me in mine either, and don’t think I overlook that truth. Yet my schedule is generally more flexible than others. So I hope I can see at least one of them in 2012. Maybe even two.
***
The second part of the prompt is How will getting rid of these things change your life?
Of the things I can get rid of, each one will change my life in a different way to a certain degree. Yet if there were a universal among them, I would say by ridding myself of each of them, my life will improve by allowing me to sense more of what is creative, artistic, positive, and productive in my life. (Not something I am good at without help.) Moving these things aside, or at least diminishing their influence will begin to blow away some of the fog, and reveal what is behind it. The solid things. The powerful things. Things that, like a giant bridge or a building you know are there but catch mere glimpses of through the fog, will become a constant part of the new landscape.
As a result, in theory, more positive sensory input will fill my spirit, and direct things in a more gratifying direction. Leaving a store of ammo within my heart for when the fog does descend for a few days at a time again.
Reverb11: What I would Have liked More Of in 2011.
What do you wish you had done more of in 2011?
I think in order to answer this question, I first have to rely a bit on types. For just about every answer I could give could be countered with proof that I did engage in the activity to some degree, and in some cases to a large degree. But not in the right way. The best way to explain it is to just give the reader some of my most obvious answers, with the appropriate qualifiers.
I wish I had met more of the “right” sort of people in 2011.
Don’t get me wrong, I have met quite a few decent and even wonderful people online this year. For that I am grateful. And I have met a handful of nondescript people in person this year. My regret is that I was not able to encounter more local people that are of the sort I most need. Whether professionally or personally, it seems those that are the most supportive, useful, or comforting are far away. And those new people that are local are not in general the sorts of people with whom I feel I share much in common. So I wish I had met more people that match me well who are also accessible in person.
I wish I had seen more of the local people I value in 2011.
Many of them are busy, or say they are. Many of them just do not invite me to things, frankly. I myself am not in a position to do a lot of hosting given my crazy living situation. And even the local people are about 45 minutes away in most cases. Again I have seen some of them. I just wish I would have seen them, and had that social “out” a bit more often. I am home 99% of Friday and Saturday nights, but full disclosure? The introvert in me did turn down one or two invitations that sounded overwhelming this year.
I wish I had done more of my ideal type of theatre in 2011.
I co-directed one show this year, and appeared in two others. Most of it was fun, with some set-backs. Yet none were quite the ideal experience in theatre for me. I wish I had had some more challenging roles. I would have preferred to be in at least one drama. I wish I had been able to direct something on my own. I hope to remedy all of these things next year to an extent, but that will have to be elaborated upon at another time. In relation to this prompt, I wish I had done more theatre that spoke to me on a deeper, personal level, despite being grateful for the theatre I did get to do.
I wish I had written more in 2011.
To some of you that may seem strange. I have after all done quite a bit of writing in 2011 both for myself, and for publications for which I get paid. I have blogged at least weekly all year in two separate blogs, and completed a first and second draft of a novel. Not to mention a handful of guest posts here and there, some Facebook notes of fine quality, and other miscellaneous wordsmithing. I would be lying if I said I did no writing this year.
Yet my own inner standards tell me that I could and should have been working a little faster, and a little more on a few projects. My second novel, for instance. Pitches to websites and magazines. My short story ideas, (always the hardest for me to complete for some reason.) I suppose a writer can always wish to have written more. But in my case there are specific instances of writing that remained undone in 2011 for various reasons. Some valid, and some less so.
I wish I had gone more places in 2011.
And I don’t just mean the perennial wish to go to Europe that many people have. I mean things within my own country, or perhaps my own state. Money and reliable transportation are often a problem with me getting to different places, events, and sights. (Though I have spent a weekend in New Jersey this year, as well as been to Annapolis with family a few times.) Yet I don’t like driving in certain conditions, nor do I like to go do certain things alone. Even as an introvert, having nobody with whom to share certain experiences does wear thin on one’s psyche. So even if I could have managed a few trips here and there, being unable to convince anyone to go with me, (I have tried in some cases for five damn years) took the air out of the balloon a bit.
Then we have the things I wish I had done more, that are not a matter of type at all. Just a matter of not doing them enough, looking back. With the following things, I probably could have done more, had I put just a bit of extra effort into them. Yes, circumstances beyond my control kept me out of them somewhat. However just as often it boiled down to me not choosing to do these things as much as I would have liked. Things such as:
-Study in my basic Latin book
-Walk/Hike/light exercise in general
-Take pictures of new places. (Or different pictures of familiar ones.)
-Read more novels
-Cook
***
Written down like this it makes it appear as though I did little to nothing in 2011, which is not at all true. Like I said in the first half of this post, in many cases I did do these things, just not quite in the way I would have found most fulfilling or useful. Some of the reasons were beyond my control, and some were not. Some were important to my spiritual health, and some were just silly things I wanted. Yet in each case above, it was something of which I wanted more in the last year than I had. Hopefully, 2012 will allow me to increase my experiences with at least some of these deficits.
Reverb11: Beauty
Describe of moment of beauty that you witnessed this year.
It concerned me at first that I could not name a moment of beauty from this year. I wondered what that may say about me, in a way that being unsure about the moment of joy also made me stop and wonder what I may be lacking in my soul.
Even when we spiritually understand the beauty behind an oak tree, we don’t always encounter an oak tree and say, “How beautiful.” I don’t think this makes us lesser people though. If it did, I would be indicting myself, because things that I know to be beautiful in concept do not always strike me as a proverbial “thing of beauty.” Yet even taking that into consideration, I can’t fire off a list of beautiful things I witnessed per se this year. (There is my latest niece, but I wrote about her already for the laughter prompt.)
Am I blind to what is beautiful? I think sometimes we all are. I don’t feel guilt or panic just yet at the small amount of beauty from this year I can recall, but I suppose I should at least consider the possibility that I am not taking in as much of it as I could or should be. Duly noted.
Of course like joy, I could be over defining beauty. I am a man of words, and so I hear “beauty” and think of something much more profound than a lot of people. My “pretty” may be the next man’s “beautiful.”
All of that being said, I get hung up not just on the beauty part of this prompt, but on the “witness” part of it. What is it to witness? Does it mean that which is beautiful must be apart from what I am, as though I am the mere observer? In order to witness something, must it be free of my own influence? Or may I witness the beauty of something in which I have played a part, the beauty being greater than the sum of the parts? If we say that we can “witness” such a thing, than I do have my answer to today’s prompt.
A thing of beauty I witnessed this year was the unfolding of the final scene of my novel.
I had known the gist of the scene for quite some time. A year or more. The ending in fact was one of the first things I saw when the idea for this novel came to me back in 2009. In a way everything I did, from outlining to rough draft, to second draft, (and soon) future drafts was leading towards that moment, making it right. I knew in other words, the destination. Yet I didn’t know which roads I would take to get there.
Back in April, after about a year of spending time with these characters, their setting, and arranging things so that they could each go through the journey they seemed to “want” to take, I wrote the final scene. Just as I had seen it happening for all the time leading up to then. And yet, even more so. I knew right where it was going, yet once I got there, the moment of writing it led me into this sense of connection with the creative process. The story. The characters. That this universe I had assisted in revealing had unfolded in such a way that all was as it should be. There is much work left to do in the novel, but I could almost sense the whole thing nodding its acceptance and appreciation for having gotten to the point I had created for the final scene. This understanding of the ending being what it should be for the story I had written was a beautiful moment to me.
I will be spending more time with these characters of course. But the first draft is perhaps the most intimate time a writer spends with his fiction, because even he is just getting to know who and what is going on. Listening, being guided, getting into it all, nudging things when needed. When I got to the end of that first draft and felt that those in it were “happy” as it were, I was able to take a step back and enjoy the scene as it was unfolding. Not as the writer, but as the interpreter. The chord the novel strikes in the end is beautiful to both the character and to those who read it, hopefully. And to this writer.
I am uncertain if this was beautiful because of the nature of the particular scene, or because it was the end. If you asked me if everything I have written has that moment of beauty attached to it when I am finished, I would have to tell you no. Satisfaction. Joy. Excitement. Relief. These are all natural feelings at the end of a piece of any length, if I have done my job. But to say that the end always presents a certain beauty in its own right? No. The finishing of this novel is one of the few writings where that has happened, and the only time it happened this year. Or for many years in fact.
Am I guilty of hubris for finding something I took part in creating to be beautiful? I hope not. I don’t sense that it is though. I do not get the impression the Divinities are angered by it. If anything, perhaps it is an acknowledgment that anything created is only partially due to the creator. A writer guides, but does he create everything he writes? I am not sure. I only know that when I got there, this time, it was a thing of beauty, and I have no problem stating that it was more than just myself at work.
Reverb11: Disappointment’s Blessings
What is the one disappointment that has turned out to be a blessing in the last 12 months? How will this affect how you will deal with disappointment in the future?
This has been the most difficult prompt for me thus far in Reverb11. The fact is, I have many disappointments from which I could choose, but I am not so sure any of them this year have actually turned out to be blessings. Truth be told, I am not the most adept individual when it comes to finding the silver lining around the cloud. I will try not to cast judgement on myself for that here in this venue, and instead just consider it a given within this context.
I suppose it is because I have rarely had the experience of a personal plan working out. And because it is so uncommon for me to set a specific goal, lay out a plan for it, and achieve success as defined by accomplishing said goal in the manner I choose, I have an extra potent desire at times to do so. So thirsty am I in my life to have something go successfully from point A to point B in the manner of my choosing, that I am prone to consider any detour a failure in its own right. Even if I get to something similar to my destination in the end, I don’t like being constantly told, by people or the Universe that what I have reflected on, considered, reflected on again, discussed with others and decided upon after a soul searching session is in fact DOA.
Something, somewhere at sometime needs to go the way I choose, quite frankly, or what is the point of doing anything? Why not just lay down in the grass and hope the wind blows things into your lap? Why make plans if they are never carried out? I do get this way at times, and that is why I am not much into the “blessing in disguise” thing once trains start jumping tracks.
In order to fulfill the prompt, however, I have opted to choose one thing. Certainly not the only disappointment, or even the only big disappointment for me this year. But it is the one from which half a dozen others spring.
I am disappointed that my writing failed to yield the money and connections this year that I sought.
I closed up shop at the once promising Brazen Careerist because of how much the quality and clientele had degraded. I increased my presence on Twitter, and have met some good people there, but I have not landed much business from it. I have not made much of that networking lucrative. And the clips I do have here and there have never yielded anything further. Not bigger work within the company, nor more work at another. The writing just did not take off as planned. (Despite some compliments from some accomplished people.)
As a result, I was unable to make a dent in my debts like I wanted to. Unable to live in a better place like I wanted to, and I was forced to move into my mother’s spare room as I have often mentioned here. This blog’s original concept and purpose never got off the ground, and I have just in general not put myself where I wanted to be by the end of 2011. Huge let down for me that I am still working through.
I have to reboot. Start over. Try to find a way to remain Too XYZ, and true to myself while breaking through the thick cloud of bad luck and little opportunity I have been fighting for quite some time now. Though I am already behind schedule, I have begun to lay out plans to ask questions and research who I need to be talking to in order to build me a new website (cheap) and discuss marketing solutions (even cheaper.) I have discovered I need to do more types of writing with which I am not as familiar, and market those services as well.
And I need to do it all with little money and even less know-how.
So that is, by the definition of many these days, the blessing. By my failure this year, I am once again forced to reevaluate where I stand, where I need to be standing, and what steps I need to take to get closer to my form of success. I am not sure I have yet gotten to the point where I see all of this as a blessing, though doubtless many of my contemporaries would extol the promise in having to start from square one. (While they of course are not required so to do.) I see a bit of where they are coming from, and while I cannot toot my horn about it, I will at least pay lip service to this prompt and declare that this professional failure in 2011 to meet my goals contains at least the potential for blessing, despite the large disappointment it brings with it.
This of course leads into the second part of the prompt. How it will affect the way I handle disappointment in the future? I remain less certain about this. I suppose in some ways it has taught me that I can never be truly secure in my plans, goals and aspirations, and that at any time I may have to be ready to settle for second third or fourth best behind same. That in a Buddhist approach, I should seek to not become too attached to an outcome, and instead seek to learn something from the experience. If I am changed at all, it is towards a more cautious cynicism.
In short, I will not be as surprised or knocked down by future disappointments and will instead wait around a bit, tread water, and see what island I wash up on before I start building a shelter.
I can’t help but wonder though that if this is what I have come away with in regards to my biggest disappointment of the year, if it has done me much good. It does not sound like an upbeat approach to me, and I would rather be happy than ready for anything. Yet that wasn’t in the cards for 2011.
This prompt and this post did not make me feel happier at the end than when I first sat down to write it, unlike the other prompts. I think it is time, now that I have fulfilled the “obligation” to move on without much more thought on this one. Disappointment and I do not get along very well at all.
Reverb11: Unadulterated Joy
Take us back to a moment this year when you experienced pure, unadulterated joy.
I have a bit of an issue with the “pure, unadulterated” part of this prompt. It makes it sound so earth shattering, heart stopping and life changing. Though I have probably had a few of those moments of joy, I cannot right off recall one from this year.
Yet perhaps the inability to recall such a moment is in and of itself indicative of a few things that are worth exploring. While I promise to answer the prompt, (that is part of the deal, after all), I would like to expound for a moment on why it may be difficult.
To begin with, perhaps I am over thinking it. After all, the prompt doesn’t mention “life changing” or “heart stopping”. It may be that I am interpreting something simple as something complex. It would not be the first time. In which case the prompt may simply be asking me to recall something that made me happy without guilt this year, and not something that was a peak experience of my entire existence.
The darker possibility as to why I had some difficulty with this prompt would be that I don’t recognize or appreciate joy. That something within me is so bitter, so jaded, and so cynical that I either simply don’t feel any kind of joy as much as other people, (a possibility I have considered before), or I have a more difficult time recalling it. While I know this less appealing possibility is at least part of the issue, I am not yet willing to determine it is the entirety of the situation. I am a bit deeper and warmer than that, even if I do appear somewhat “Vulcan-ish” at times when it comes to expression. So I will file this possibility under “things to keep an eye on”, but not dwell upon it for now.
So I tackle the prompt mostly out of the first assumption I made here; I am overselling the prompt to myself. I declare therefore that the prompt is not asking me to describe a life affirming miracle, but a far simpler though no less wonderful encounter with joy, untainted. A little more than finding a quarter on the sidewalk, but not so much as the birth of my first born.
Proceeding within these perimeters, various things could apply. I could again mention my niece. The finishing of my novel’s first draft. Or for that matter, sitting on my couch and watching the Baltimore Ravens sweep the Pittsburgh Steelers in the regular season this year.
Yet I will write about a rather recent event.
I have a friend. A special friend to me that I have known for several years now. They live on the other side of the country, and I have not seen them in person for many years. And the last time I did see them, they occupied a different place in my life than they do now. For a while this shift left a silence and a distance between us. For several years I didn’t hear from them, and I got to the point where I assumed that was that, and I would not hear from them again. (It has happened more than once in my life, after all.)
But after a while, I did hear from them again. Slowly, we rebuilt our friendship into something different than it was before, but something I value. I still don’t hear from them often, but there are times I hear from them in a concentrated string of messages for a while.
Like last month. I still wish them a Happy Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year each year. This year’s Thanksgiving greeting spawned several messages back and forth. One of them mentioning that I had been thought of a lot.
It was one of the things for which I was most thankful this year, even though I didn’t get the message until a few days after Thanksgiving itself. It may not seem like much. I know there are those out there who will accuse me of being insecure, paranoid, or just plain weird when I say this, but it meant a lot to me to actually be told they were thinking of me. In my heart of hearts I suppose I knew all was well between us. Yet there are times when distance, time, stress, and other factors can cloud our instincts. Make us ponder if things are okay between us and someone else. Not everybody else perhaps, but certain folks. In this case, the other person holds a unique position in my heart, and to just hear them mention that they had been thinking of me brought me joy. Joy without guilt, and contingent upon nothing else.
Being told directly that you are on the mind of someone that matters a great deal to you, even if somewhere deep inside you already know it. That’s a joy that seems quite pure to me.
Ty Unglebower 