Who’s Got That School Spirit?? Not Me. (A Featured Post on Brazen Careerist.)
In high school, I was voted the one with the most school spirit.
It was one of the greatest ironies of my life so far. I had no school spirit. I went to a terrible high school and took every chance to explain as much. To this day I am convinced that awarding me that superlative was a class joke on me, though I’ve never been sure who orchestrated it.
The point is, I’ve never understood the idea of school spirit. Not for its own sake at least.
Starting from about 6th grade and continuing up through college, I had almost nothing of what they call school spirit, despite official pleas and efforts to establish same in the student bodies of which I was a member at any given time. My least favorite week of the year tended to be “Spirit Week”, where everybody expressed their alleged school spirit by painting their faces, wearing school sweatshirts, or going to that most loathed of compulsory social events, (yes, we were made to go in high school) the Pep Rally. I never wanted to go to these damn things, and thankfully in college I could and did, opt out.
“But it’s your school,” cheerleaders and even staff members would sometimes tell me. “That’s your team out there.”
Is it? Does the win/loss record of a basketball team affect my personal reasons for getting an education in even the slightest ways? Does what I do in class in any way affect their game? No on both counts, so it is hardly “my” team. But back to school spirit.
There is much more to a school than a sports team. Yet pep rallies and school spirit are almost always centered around the sports. You hoot, clap and holler for all of the members of your school sports teams, whom you have not met, and probably will never talk to in most cases, while girls in short skirts shake things for them. And if you are a fan of sports, or do in fact know the team players, that’s great for you.
Yet the cheerleaders, the athletes, and in most cases the staff and faculty would never be found at the opening nights of any of the school plays, or in the churches for the school choir concerts. Would they be moved to do so by a plea that, “It’s your chess team? It’s your debate club”? I am willing to bet in the negative in most cases.
Sports attendance in schools I think is merely the most convenient, public way for people to prove they are towing some kind of line. Which is why I think many staff and faculty members who haven’t the least interest in sports end up at homecoming games and other major tournaments in such large numbers. And schools count on such a conflation between the excitement of sports events, and the overall quality of the entire school to distract people from actual pressing problems that are pertinent to the school’s stated mission. Such distraction never worked for me.
But in the end it’s not only about the sports favoritism that is inherent in almost all school spirit activities. I wouldn’t fault a school for having an active athletic program, (so long as they are surpassed by the educational aspects of the school.) But for me to feel any kind of “spirit” for an institution, I need to feel that the whole is putting as much effort into my well being as I am putting into it. None of my schools ever did this, and I find it next to impossible to manufacture spirit ex nihlio for an institution that doesn’t reciprocate the effort in anyway.
I was just a number whose problems were shoved aside, ignored, or mocked in some cases. Attempts to point out weaknesses with the system were met with censorship. Any attempts to innovate were squelched. Only half the time did the various staff members extend even an adequate level of energy to insure my educational experience was tolerable. At virtually no point did anybody go beyond their obligations to make my education memorable, even after repeated pleas from myself and others. It was, in most cases all about going along to get along, which a school, if nowhere else, should avoid. My schools didn’t.
In short, my various schools never gave the slightest indication that they would bend over backwards to help students live better and learn more about becoming authentic citizens of the world. Yet most students still painted their faces, wore the sweatshirts, crafted the signs, and participated in all the requisite behavior that “school spirit” entailed. Even when I knew personally they were getting screwed by the administration in the exact same ways I was. Mind boggling then, mind boggling now.
“Think of all the school has given you,” some former colleagues would say.
My response is that I never felt obligated to be grateful when my school managed to barely accomplish the very goals of a school; educating me. Something I paid them handsomely to do anyway.
I have heard the assertion that it does the individual good to show loyalty, (spirit) towards an institution of which they are a member, regardless of the circumstances. That the very act of expressing school spirit has positive effects for one’s own spirit, and for one’s reputation, within the institution. And there is no doubt that ass kissing gets certain people a certain distance. But I can’t stomach it. Never could.Even if it is “just what you do” when you’re a student.
In the end, I am not against school spirit as a concept. In fact one of my biggest regrets in life is that I never attended an educational institution that deserved my loyalty. I would love to know what it feels like to go whole hog in support of a community of which I am a member. I am astonished by people who continue to support their colleges decades after they graduate. Those who feel so moved by their experiences when a student that they go to the homecomings every year and visit their old dorm rooms.
To have that much appreciation for a place is foreign to me. Probably why I am not a member of any alumni association. Probably why I have never been back to my college campus, and don’t intend to go back anytime in the near future. The schools mean nothing to me now that I am gone. They barely meant anything when I was there. But not because I chose it to be that way. Rather, because I am no good at one-way investments.
I like to hope that this lack of attention to students is not universal. That for me it was just a matter of bad luck that I always picked the wrong schools. Indeed, everytime I chose a school, literally, they announced some massive years long realignment plan that was designed to totally change or expand the school into something it was not. Perhaps if I had attended each of my schools in a time before they were struck with the notion to totally rebuild, I might have felt loyal to them. But it was not to be for me.
I hope that my future children feel they can fall in love with their schools. It seems to be such a potent, rewarding feeling for so many that I envy in a way. Perhaps if I ever go to graduate school as an old man I can show school spirit for that.
But still no pep rallies. Too noisy.
Did/do you have sincere school spirit for your high school/college/grad school? Tell me about it. I want to know how it feels.
Your Calling: Deserving It vs. Working For It
More people know what their true calling is than conventional wisdom would indicate. In our instant productivity, cash-oriented society, the emphasis tends to be placed on how fast and often we are receiving a pay check, and what we are doing about making it larger. As a result we often pigeon hole ourselves into whatever is available for us to do as soon as we hit the work force. Every hole must be filled, and if you don’t have a job and are physically capable of filling that hole, our society dictates that you have a duty to fill it. Your feelings, your happiness, your relationships and the other intangibles be damned.
That is if you are lucky enough to find any kind of job anywhere.
It’s no wonder people don’t allow themselves the privilege of determining their calling. Or admitting to it. For I contend, as I said in the beginning, that more people know what their calling is than it appears. But they have been conditioned to ignore it.
There is a reason they refer to it as a calling. Something inside of you, (or perhaps a higher power) calls on you to make use of that unique blend of talent and passion for something that only you posses. Yet too many people do not choose to answer the call that they know they are receiving. There are many reasons for this refusal, (lack of immediate success, a lack of education about how to proceed, dismissive family members), but the biggest reason in my estimation is feeling that they don’t deserve to follow their own calling. That they somehow must earn the right to follow a calling before they proceed to do so.
“I need to prove I can get a Master’s Degree in something useful first.”
“I have to rough it and pay my dues first. I can go after my calling when I am comfortably retired.”
“It’s just a flight of fancy. I haven’t lived the kind of life that produces a Hemingway. (Or Beethoven or Schweitzer.)”
And on it goes. We convince ourselves that we must be bestowed with a special status or given cosmic permission before we are truly worthy to pursue the calling we feel inside us.
Yet I ask you, why isn’t the calling itself special enough to convince us to follow it? For what else are we waiting, exactly? The truth is you already deserve your calling. You were built for it.
Now a calling won’t just unfold without effort. Following a calling takes hard work, research, perseverance, some pain and a bit of luck. Just like everything in life worth doing. But the fact that it may be difficult, often misunderstood, scoffed at or seen as odd doesn’t make it illegitimate. It just makes it all worth it when we finally achieve it.
What if we were trained and encouraged to discover and pursue our true inner calling from the very beginnings of our education? What if society were designed in such a way that doors were opened in each area for those that had felt called to same, as opposed to those who have a sterling resumes and great inside connections? How might things be different?
Are you pursuing your calling? If not, why not?
The “Magical” In Life…No Wand Required (A Featured Post on Brazen Careerist!)
Hold on to the magical, if you believe in it. And if you don’t believe, start. And you will have to put forth some effort and define “magic” in whatever way suits you best, since it is a million things to a million people. But I am sure you know what I mean by “magic”, and Merlin ain’t got nothin’ to do with it.
I am also sure you have experienced people pissing on your idea of “magic”. How often have you heard people say something like this when it comes to letting go, or no longer experiencing magic;
“I have to enjoy every moment this offers, because once it’s over…”
“It’s time for me to settle down, and stop doing/thinking/longing for such things.”
“I’m not a kid anymore. I’m too old for that stuff.”
And they let go of the idea of magic. Like a Greek Chorus I try to mention to such people that they need not bow to this depressing notion. That they are confusing the circumstances under which they experienced magic with the reasons they did so. That such thinking only invites magic to die once a certain age is reached or they become far away from a certain location. Also, like a Greek Chorus, I ultimately fail to alter the thoughts and actions of those to whom I speak this all important truth. Completing the metaphor, some element of tragedy usually follows. A tragedy of spirit.
But I say to always hold on to beauty. Insist upon magic. (However you define that.) Be open to the mysterious. Don’t resign to the end of these intangibles because some arbitrary social system, (which only happens to be prevalent at the moment), insists that it is time to do so.
Think of the times that most people associate with that “magical” feeling. Something they can “never get back”. The first time they fall in love. Or “being young”. (For some this is high school, for others, college.) Perhaps a very special vacation. What do these types of circumstances have in common? People are more open to the transcendent during such moments. They allow themselves to live at the exact moment more than at other times. They insist on cares, worries, anxieties and fears being placed in the back seat on a regular basis.
Then someone tells them that college is over, they are not a kid anymore, life is difficult, and there are responsibilities to be upheld. As though each of those things preclude the concept of sublime wonder.
But you can feel that sense of cosmic freedom at any time, if you remember three things:
1)You can fight for magic.
2) You have every right to do so.
3) You will find it if you want it.
The setting may change, but the overall connection to the mystical need not decrease as you get older, or take on more responsibilities, or finish high school, or finish college, or get married. That is a myth. It makes you easier to control. To mold you into something convenient, as opposed to something authentic.
What is/was it for you that has been magical? Those late nights with friends? That starry night? That rain you got caught in? That last minute road trip you found yourself on? Whatever it is, keep doing it as long as you live. The magic is out there, and will find you if you stay open and willing to receive it by doing the things you love.
If staying up late with friends has the potential for magic for you, for God’s sake don’t stop doing it just because you are passed a certain age. If having a drink with people you love has brought you magic before, don’t refrain from it because it happens to be Monday instead of Saturday. Tuesday will get there either way.
I am sure I am very much an enigma to many. It’s part of being Too XYZ. And like anyone else I have my fears and anxieties about not being able to have enough money or enough influence in this world. I have basically none of either so far, and many out there would tell me why I am not “ahead”.
“Why don’t you grow up? Quit blogging, being in plays, and staying up late listening to music. Why aren’t you in bed? Why haven’t you settled down? Gotten a wife, had a child, given you mother grandchildren? Hang out with people your own age? The time you spend writing about magic should be spent with business cards in hand marching door to door and insisting that you need to be hired. And if not, stop relying on your family for financial support and get a job you hate. You are supposed to hate work. You have bills to pay, so pay them any way you can. Enough of this actor/writer shit.”
Well, I will tell you why I don’t do those things. Because in each case, doing so in some way squelches the Infinite within me, and I have seen enough of that sin in my lifetime.
Life is hard, whether we want it to be or not. I do agree with the naysayers on that point. But my counterargument is, why make it harder by denying ourselves the inexplicable beauty we find when we behave in “childish” ways? How am I supposed to counteract the fact that the rat race sucks by throwing up my hands and running head long into it?
There is a very large amount of cynicism out there in the professional world. And the more I have started to network, tweet, and otherwise engage in social media, the more of it I encounter. I am constantly told how unprofessional I am, and that they will write books about me one day for being so noble, after I have starved to death. (I refer such folks to this previous entry of mine.) It’s no wonder I have never really gotten my foot in the door of the world of personal branding, elbow rubbing, meta-networking and cold calling. It denies me the magic, and even worse, denies me the right to desire it.
But desire it, I do. And if you do as well, feel free to join me in doing things a little differently. I welcome the company for a change.
8 Reasons that Volunteering Sucks. (So Far…)
“When you volunteer in your community, you get back far more than you put in.”
“No matter what your skills are, you can use them to make a difference through volunteering.”
“Volunteering will help you develop a resume and skills that will make it easier to find a job in tougher times.”
“Volunteering is a great way to network and make new friends.”
The statements above have two things in common. First, just about every volunteer organization has some combination of these sentiments on their website and in their literature.
The other thing they have in common is that I, Ty Unglebower, find every one of them to be a crock of shit.
Once you finish gasping at the thought I will continue.
Too XYZ is a blog about the experiences I have had. Not one-off experiences but trends that I have noticed in my travels. If your only comment is, “that’s not true everywhere,” please don’t bother to comment. Nothing is true everywhere. Nevertheless I standby my thesis statement that traditional volunteering has trended toward being a crock for me. None of those four statements above has proven true for me yet, and I’m not the only one. This message board thread bears out my belief that it’s a bit of an epidemic.
So, without naming names of the specific organizations involved, here is my list of eight reasons why volunteering isn’t worth it.
1. Nobody gets back to you.
Not unlike 99% of hiring managers these days, the vast majority of volunteer coordinators do not bother returning the emails, phone calls or letters of interest that people send to them wanting to know more about their organization. Such places beg and grovel for volunteers constantly, even placing ads in newspapers and online boards calling for same. Yet when people want to know more about schedules, duties, opportunities, etc, nobody is moved to pick up a phone or click off an email. Many will claim that their offices are also staffed by volunteers and as such they get very busy and don’t have time for such things. But really, if you can’t find time to return inquiries from potential volunteers, what’s the point? The office is the face of your organization and if it’s cold to people, nobody will care about helping you.
2. Politics
“Every place has politics,” know-it-alls like to say. While that is debatable, what is not debatable is that most people hate politics, whether in Washington, D.C. or in their offices at work. It may not be avoidable in those places, which is why people who take what little time they have out of their busy lives to volunteer want to avoid even more politics at all costs. The royal court structure of who’s in and who’s out that develops at volunteer organizations is appalling. Playing favorites, keeping secrets, gossip and intrigue. I want to help homeless people, not find a way to play the public relations officer against her arch enemy, the supply manager, so I can get the shift I want at the shelter next week.
3. Lack of appreciation
You might be amazed at how thankless volunteering can really be. I know there are those evolved souls who do work without any need to get anything back because it is the right thing to do. And I agree that volunteering is about helping someone or something else other than yourself. And when it comes to helping people in need, I agree. But that doesn’t apply to the organizations for which you do the volunteering, who really should be thankful for the help they get.
Is the fact that you do noble work really an excuse to not say “thank you” to your volunteers? Or to make them feel guilty about not wanting to take on more responsibilities and longer hours? I have rarely been thanked for the volunteer hours I have given up, and have even been bitched at when I had to end them. Such places don’t want volunteers, they want machines.
4. It’s become too much like a job hunt.
One ad in my county’s volunteer message board ran like this, (I am altering it enough to hide their identity)
“The Jones Shelter for the Homeless is seeking kind-hearted volunteers to help register new clients into the system. Must be proficient in MS. Excel and other database software, have excellent phone skills, able to come in on weekends and keep a positive outlook. Previous clerical experience, preferably in a shelter environment is a major plus. Fluent Spanish is desirable. A bachelor’s degree is strongly preferred,but not necessary. No phone calls please.”
Sounds like a job post to me. Not only based on the amount of work required, but the rather high level of skills expected for a volunteer position. Nobody out of the kindness of their soul can walk in off the street and be trained for this position. And with so many people out of work choosing to turn to the volunteer sector to prevent “gaps” in their damn resumes, they are getting all of the volunteer positions too. It shouldn’t be stiff competition to volunteer at a homeless shelter.
5. Proselytization
I don’t volunteer to help those less fortunate so I can take part in a prayer meeting or a church service. And here is a newsflash; starving people generally come to a shelter to eat, not to be witnessed to. Of course not all shelters have a religious tone to them, but a great deal of the volunteer organizations that offer help to the indigent and destitute are in fact run by churches. Churches ought to separate missionary work from volunteer work, for the sake of people who desperately need a platform to help the needy, but don’t wish to make it a religious experience, for themselves or the ones they are helping.
I once volunteered with a church at a soup kitchen run by the county. It clearly states on several signs that there is to be no religious witnessing to the clients, but the meal began with a prayer anyway, and that disgusted me. Don’t make starving people listen to your blessing before they eat. Give them the food. I never went back.
6. New people get the shaft.
Similar to the politics complaint.
“Martha can’t hear, can barely see, and needs a walker to get around these days. But she has been in charge of the kitchen on Thursday nights for 54 years now. You and your three professionally trained chef friends may be willing to offer your wonderful expertise for free as a way to make the kitchen run faster, cheaper, and serve more clients, thus saving us money, but here we do things Martha’s way. You had better ask her about that.”
And if you are new, and everybody else that has been around forever is doing everything, and you have nothing to do, nobody gives you anything to do, despite the call for volunteers. Or else all of the good jobs go to the more familiar people.
If you somehow do end up doing a job, and you do it a different way than the person that usually does it, somebody will actually undo what you have done and redo it according to their own method because “we’ve always done it this way.” I have seen people moved to near tears when they discover someone new has covered the cobbler with foil as opposed to the plastic wrap. Anything from a polite debate about “how Nancy does it” to an all out fight, complete with people quitting usually ensues.
In the mean time starving people are literally waiting even longer to be served because the way we cover the damn cobbler is of the utmost importance.
7. Fundraising
I hate it. I hate being asked for money, and I hate asking for it myself. I won’t do it. Yet it seems anymore there are two types of volunteer positions left anywhere these days. Those that are fundraising positions, and those that are called something else but end up being fundraising positions.
I get that organizations always need money, but when will such places learn that shaking a can is a very specific skill that not everybody possesses? You cannot just take people who want to volunteer to help abused animals and turn them into an army of fundraisers. They didn’t volunteer to raise money, (which is the same the world over.) They volunteered because they are good with animals. They have a gift for making them feel comfortable. But they are new, and those skills are not sought after today. (See numbers 4 and 6.) But we always need money, so we are always willing to take on more people to collect donations.
8. You are given more to do by the hour.
Somehow those that come in to stuff envelopes on Sunday afternoons end up being asked to makes copies, set up client contact lists, return a few phone calls in the morning, lock up the place when they leave, coordinate efforts with the shelter in the next county, and grab a gun to go hunting for the Thanksgiving turkeys in the nearby woods.
And if they decline, they get, “I guess you don’t care about helping out as much as we thought.“
My hope is that you will take this list in the spirit in which it was given, and that is to point out the popular fallacy of how volunteering in its own right is somehow more noble than other pursuits.
Note the “thus far” in the title of this entry. My hope is that one day I will find a volunteer organization that will fit my needs and desires, and vice-versa. Than perhaps I will feel uplifted by volunteering my time. But until then, I’m taking a break from looking.
Do you volunteer? Where? And have you ever experienced any of the problems on my list? How did you deal with same? Let me hear from you.
Exceeding Obligations
“I’m not obligated to do that.”
There are two reasons people say that. One is to legitimately protect themselves from being used and abused.
The other is to be a lazy pain in the ass.
Cry all you want about special circumstances, but in my life I have come to the conclusion that these are the only two reasons. And the later version is one of the most obnoxious sentences I can hear a human being utter, because it is done for its own sake. People refrain from something they are not obligated to do simply because they are not obligated.
I have for years adopted one main metric by which I judge the quality and character of people I encounter;
How willing are they to exceed their obligations?
That means of course that unlike many in our society I don’t see “fulfilling one’s obligations” as an admirable trait. The fact that many people do not fulfill their obligations doesn’t mean the simple act of doing so makes you a hero.
When I become upset or offended by someone failing to take an extra step for me or for someone else, it’s not usually because the person “has no right” to behave that way. I’m not marching on Washington demanding that laws be changed and the Constitution be amended. I am responding to a lack of warmth or consideration on the part of people that have it within their power to make something easier for others, but opt not to because it is their right to do so.
Yet it isn’t a matter of rights, despite many acting like it is so.
“I have no obligation to throw my trash away. This is McDonald’s, they pay people to do it.”
“I have every right to sit on this bench despite the fact the old lady in a walker would like a seat. You can’t make me get up. It’s a free country.”
“My friend has left a voice mail, text, and email in the last few days, but this is my weekend. I don’t like feeling obligated to get back to someone just because we are friends. I have personal space and have every right to kick people out of it when I feel I don’t want to know what their needs are.”
Well congratulations. You know your rights.
But when you choose to directly ease the job, the difficulty, the pain of someone else by doing something that you are not obligated to do you are sending the message that you feel something, somewhere outside of your skull has meaning. That there are in fact things taking place on this planet involving people other than yourself, and that there is a greater good than what you can determine with your five senses.
In short, it makes you a decent human being, when merely fulfilling your obligations does not.
Use some damn common sense. Don’t sell your soul. Don’t endanger yourself or your loved ones. Know your limitations and don’t break the law unless it is a fundamental issue of personal conscience. But don’t stop at your “obligations” either, because quite frankly, the mere obligations we have in place in our society for one another and for our community are somewhere between piss-poor and non-existent.
Ty Unglebower 