Reverb13 Day Twenty: In the Mirror

tyunglebower ♦ December 20, 2013 ♦ 1 Comment

Look at what you see in the mirror. How does it change if you view yourself with eyes that can only look forward?

That is difficult for me to do, for any number of reasons. The past present and future are so tightly entwined within my perception that only looking ahead seems nigh unto impossible. What’s past is present, and what’s present is future to a large degree.

I know that isn’t the most productive way to view things, according to some. In fact, I agree; much more could be done in life, and probably in my own life specifically, if I only looked forward. But while I am not covered in open wounds, I am covered in scars from many previous open wounds, one or two of which may have disfigured part of me. (I’m still assessing that possibility.)

In the mirror I do see what I am, and what i used to be. The former, not especially fantastic, and the latter with a lot more potential. I am living the future of what I used to be, and it’s not what I’d hoped for in several categories.

Perhaps the future doesn’t lie in the mirror for me. Perhaps I need to avoid mirrors when the goal is to press forward. I said a few posts ago that my keyword for 2014 might be “charge”, and one can’t charge while looking in a mirror. Nor effectively anyway.

And charge it is for me when I make progress, it seems. I have to declare war and proceed with a full on attack of my circumstances. I have to fight through, instead of riding a wave. Most things are indifferent to my struggles at best, and are programmed to derail my particular journey at worst. In such cases, moving forward is a matter of getting dirty, getting beaten up, and in general struggling. It isn’t as much about introspection and looking into mirrors. I wish it were more often, believe me. Maybe some day it will be. But for now, if I am to have even the slightest hope of using eyes that only look forward, I need to rid myself of mirrors.