Poetry Website.

♦ February 21, 2013 ♦ Leave a comment

I believe in fast turn around.

Therefore, let me take this chance to announce my brand new poetry website, (as discussed in my previous entry.)

You can check it out at www.tyunglebowerspoetry.blogspot.com.

It’s minimalist, just as I wanted it. No separate domain. No marketing. No ad shares, none of that. Just a place to talk about and share my poems soon after I right them.

I hope you enjoy them, and feel free to chime in with what you think.

I’ll not make much mention of it here on my main site, so I hope you’ll spread the word about it!

Back to Poetry

♦ February 18, 2013 ♦ 2 Comments

A few days ago I went into Barnes and Noble. (We still have one here for the time being…) I had some money left on a gift card, so I bought the most plain looking, utilitarian blank journal ever. I haven’t owned one of these in a while, because over the years I have used them almost exclusively for writing poetry.

I type almost everything, as writing freehand tends to be uncomfortable for me after a short period of time. But I always wrote-out poetry. In pencil. There is something about poetry which seems to require the tactile experience of scratching graphite onto paper.

There was a time when I was nearly prolific in writing poetry. It was probably the only thing I wrote without consideration for future readers. I would still share the poems, as I think that’s kind of the point. I’d go to poetry readings in college, and post copies on my door sometimes. But in the end, composing a poem was about me. Trends were not considered. Styles were not studied. Once I initialed them, (a pretentious little thing I have always done at the end of a poem) I wouldn’t even edit them. I preferred to finish them in one sitting, as well.

Sometimes I would write form poetry, and sometimes free form it. I thought and still think great poetry can come from either style. But in general, I refused to follow any rules with poetry. My poems were a snapshot of the moment during which I felt compelled to write them.

Various aspects of life began to change, and I became quite cynical and bitter for a while. One can of course write cynical and bitter poetry. Once in a while I did. And once in a while I tried to write the kind of poems I did years before. But eventually, the well ran dry. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I shut the well down. I simply wasn’t moved to write poems anymore. So I stopped.

For years writing a poem, which had once been a weekly habit was reduced to  a rare sideshow. I’m not as bitter as I once was, but the desire to compose poems didn’t return. Before my recent Barnes and Noble purchase, I believe I had written four poems in five years.

Recently, I decided to get back into poetry, which is why I bought my first blank  journal in years. (Though this one is bigger than the others, and I like it more.) Last night I wrote several English haiku to break in the brand spanking new blank journal.

I have several reasons for returning to poetry.

–Playing with language.

I intend to fill this journal mostly with specific poetry forms. As I mentioned, I played with forms before, but as I go forward in my writing career, I want to loosen my linguistic muscles, and I feel that confining my thoughts and feelings into a set template of rhyme and meter will be beneficial to my wordsmithing. Searching for a word that fits the pattern but also conveys the thought I’m looking for is a challenge I want to tackle.

–I want to see what kind of poems I can produce now.

This very day, my friend Laura posted on her blog about how a person’s writing can grow up with them. Though her post isn’t about poetry per se, when I read it this morning it did ring true for me regarding my poetry experiment. Though some aspects of my thinking and feeling have in fact remained constant over the years, it would be dishonest to say I am the same man I was when I last wrote poetry on a regular basis. I want to see how the passage of time and the experiences of my life in the intervening times has affected my poetry. It may even reveal how those years have affected me as a person.

-I want to share.

You all come to this blog to see me post my direct thoughts about writing, being an introvert, being Too XYZ, or just to see what my latest plans are. And I love you for it. But this sort of writing is not the only writing I can do of course. I’m thrilled when my blog posts inspire people, but I also want you, and others to partake in my “creative” writing. (Though blogs can also be creative.)

My novel is a ways off from being published or self-published. I don’t get much of a chance to share my short fiction over the web. (Mostly because I like to hold out chances for contests and submitting to journals, and publishing my stories to the web could disqualify me for those.) So, I got to thinking that so long as I’m diving back into poetry, I might as well share it with all of you.

For again, this isn’t about publication. (Poetry isn’t published traditionally very often these days anyway.) It’s not about money, or about conforming to expected standards. It’s not about giving people what they want, or studying endlessly to unlock the “secret” of a popular poem. My journey into poetry shall be as it was before. Writing 100% to my own satisfaction in hopes that in so doing someone else will be moved or entertained.

To that end, I will in the near future be opening another WYSIWYG blog/website for my poems. As I explore and experiment with the different forms, I’ll post to this as yet non-existent website so you can read my poetry, comment on it if you want to, and share it with others. I may make occasional comments on the poetry as well, but it will mostly be the poems.

I hope to have all of that finalized within the next week. I will announce the address and such details here when the time comes, and I hope you will join me in my poetry adventure.

Introvert Dating Tips (Repost)

♦ February 14, 2013 ♦ 2 Comments

(Originally posted on my old blog, Too XYZ in October of 2011, I thought I’d give this classic post a second life here on Valentine’s Day. I’ve cleaned up the language a bit from the original. Apologies for the odd formatting, but after 30 minutes I got tired of trying to get it to do what it’s supposed to do.—Ty)

Dating, and expressing interest in someone can be a tricky, depressing business for anyone. Yet I feel bold enough to declare that it is easier for extroverts than it is for introverts in most cases. An extrovert’s gregarious, energetic nature lends itself well to the way the dating scene works these days.

At least with other extroverts. If they begin to pine for an introvert, they may find themselves up against certain challenges. When this happens, they may feel just as clumsy and out in the cold about dating as introverts tend to do much of the time.
Yet neither introverts no extroverts should fret. Here I offer two sets of five dating tips. The first is a set of tips to make dating easier for introverts. (Who face some of the same challenges dating one another as they do trying to date extroverts.)

The second set of tips is designed specifically for extroverts who may be pining for that certain introvert in their lives.

Extroverts already know how to date extroverts, and introverts already know this stuff about themselves. So no separate list was needed for extrovert-on-extrovert action. And while it may not always be clear right away if someone is an introvert or extrovert, let’s pretend at this point, you have already determined that about your potential hunka-burning love for the time being, shall we?
Dating Tips for Introverts 

1) Find something, anything you can stomach doing in a group outside of the house.

You love your bed, your books, your lap top. Your warm tea. The quiet and the solitude. Believe me, I am the last person who would ever take those things from you. But chances are, you want intimacy at some point as well. So you will have to interact with people at some point.

Relax. I don’t mean small talk. I am one of you, remember? But if you find an activity that suits your preferences that involves interacting with other people, the conversation can right away become focused on what you are doing. Join a bowling league, a yoga group, a book club. Doesn’t much matter, so long as the exchange of ideas is the main vehicle by which you get to know someone. I can promise that relationships of all kinds will form more organically for you than at a bar or club, romance or not.

2) Group Dating

No, this isn’t quite the same as the first tip. What I mean is to get together with groups of people you already know and go out to eat, see a movie, or whatever. People you know mixed in with people you don’t know. Let your current friends know you are interested in meeting some new people the next time you get together, and then perhaps they can invite someone you have not yet met. So you can get to know some more people, without the pressure of actual dating. At least not yet. You get the benefit of meeting someone new wrapped in the comfort of being with people you already know.

3) Use the internet…the right way.

There is nothing wrong with a dating site. I have used them here and there. No shocker that it didn’t ever lead anywhere. Dating sites, despite being online, are still essentially an extroverted environment. Just because it is an online platform that you can explore from the comfort of your home doesn’t mean it is introvert friendly. And I find most dating sites are not. There is just as much of an expectation of pandering and bullshit and small talk on dating sites as there is in offline life. It may be easier to stomach for a while, with the shield of anonymity, but if you are an introvert, you will still get tired of it quickly, and still not appeal to most people who use such sites.
Instead, read blogs. Join Twitter. Visit message boards. I am not even going to specify what kind, because it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you engage in them directly. Leave comments. Ask questions. If possible, send a private email to the author if you liked what they wrote. Participate in threads that interest you. Much like number one, it allows you to get right to the task of discussing ideas, as most blogs or message boards are centered on a certain topic. From there, relationships, even romantic ones, can evolve. It might be a gamble, but to me, no more so than asking someone for a date every time you bump into an attractive person at the post office. Plus, until you are ready, there is no added pressure to pretty up before the conversations you have.

4) A little mystery is good stuff.

We introverts can get some mileage out of this one. Not forever, of course, but let’s face it, many people, introverts and extroverts alike, are intrigued by a little mystery. And to be frank and fair about it, introverts are a bit better at this one, even when they are not trying to be. Our natural tendency to observe much and say little in social situations can be taken the wrong way, but it can also work a little bit of magic. But only if we make the effort to break that mold at the right times. Being quiet and mysterious doesn’t work to your advantage unless on occasion you say something. (I have blown this part more than once.)
So, even if you don’t think it is the most clever thing you could offer, throw in a comment from the corner of the room once in a while. Surprise those around you that don’t know you as well with your attention to detail of the conversation.
You get extra points if you quietly share with that “special” someone across the room a comment just for them based on something they said to which you were paying attention, while others passed it over in the extroverted mess of the gathering. It won’t get you everything, but it is one of the few advantages in dating/attraction introverts have over extroverts right from the start.

5) Do not, I repeat do not try to be an extrovert.

As I often remind my readers, being an introvert is a spectrum. Some are more so than others. And introverts have their extroverted moments. Yet we mustn’t confuse this truth with the notion that we can become “former introverts”. The internet is replete with articles that teach you how to do this, and it cannot be done. Period. No need to discuss it further. End of movie, roll credits. You are the temperament that you have always been. So embrace it and use it. Don’t run from it. You don’t need to. Because if you do, and try instead to be an extrovert, you are going to not only be uncomfortable, but you won’t be yourself. You need to be yourself in the dating world.
Improve your weaknesses, of course, but remember that being introverted is not a weakness in and of itself. Anyone worth your time and effort will accept your introversion, and not expect you to become extroverted just to be “datable”.
And now, from the other side of the table…

 

Tips for Extroverts Wishing to Date an Introvert

1) Ask them to teach you about one of their interests.

Introverts crave discussion of ideas, passions and observations. It is just that most small talk dulls our senses before we can get to that. But you can pique our interest with our interests. By that I mean if you want to get to know us as people, explore our passions with us right off the bat. Find out what moves us, and ask us about it. Even if you don’t know us yet. Most introverts will not recoil from, and in fact many will appreciate your built-in conversation topic.

Don’t pretend, though. We detect bullshit well. Have a genuine interest in learning more about our passion. Or keep looking until you find something we like that you may also like, and discuss your own opinions about it with us. Just make extra sure you give us enough time to respond with our own views!

2) Compliment them on something they said, wrote, or an idea they had.

Look, introverts like to look good too. We like to know this, and hear it from others. Compliments about what we are wearing or our eyes are not anathema to us. Yet if you want to score quick points, and prove you are not a superficial cad, compliment us on something we created. Again, most introverts are idea oriented. Many of us write about our ideas. And we almost never express an idea in a group unless asked or until we have thought about it quite a bit. When you show an interest in that expression, it opens a door for us. It won’t get you in right away, of course, but you will have responded to the deeper part of us from the start.

3) Try enjoying an event the way we do, instead of trying to convince us to enjoy it your way.

If you meet us at a party or other social gathering, respect our desire to not get up and dance or mingle. We rarely do these things, but in most cases it isn’t because we are shy or because we are not having a good time. It’s because we process the party differently. When you insist we need to get up and dance, or ask us if we are okay all the time, you will annoy us. That is stamping your version of a good time on us. Ask once, and then leave it at that.
You may or may not be able to understand how we are having a good time, but if you really want an introvert at a party to open up to you, sit nearby (not too close =) ) and converse with us. Quiet. Calm. Take in the party like we do. We’ll feel less of a need to be on guard then, and you’ll get to learn more. Plus it shows that we are worthy of your extra attention, despite everything else happening around us. That’s kind of nice for anyone.

4) Make dates conversation oriented.

Are you sensing a pattern yet? Yes, we like to converse about ideas, and explore topics. Deep thinking. Remember, that is probably what we were doing when you first approached us, what we were doing while we were getting ready for this date, and to a certain extent, something we will be doing during the date. Yet that doesn’t have to be a negative. Tap into our deep, imaginative minds. First dates to a museum, a short film viewing, a play, and other such things that will just beg all involved to share their thoughts afterwards, or during, will really set many introverts at ease. Despite it being a date, most of us hate “tell me about yourself” conversations. That isn’t to say we will never do so, but if that is why we are out with you, we won’t have a good time. But if we can get to know you through your views on something, we will be more relaxed earlier. Often, ideas and opinions are intimate to us. Think about that.

5) You don’t have to understand.

Even if you want to with every fiber of your being. That’s noble of you, but if you are an extrovert, that may not always be possible.

But we introverts know how infuriating we can be. We don’t say much, except when we do. How can we enjoy a party more, the smaller it is? Why do we go out in public if we are not always trying to meet people? Just what the hell could we possibly be thinking about all the time?  It can be hard to understand for an extrovert. And some of the questions you may have about us, we have about ourselves. But being who we are, we have learned over time to just accept our unique take on the world. Usually…

And that’s all you need to do. Accept us. We don’t expect you to know why, even if you are in love with us. Yet it’s really okay. We can still find you attractive, and eventually fall in love with you even if you don’t have the slightest idea why we need to vanish into our room for hours at a time, need time to think about an answer to your question, or don’t chat up the people around us at the bus stop. Our need to be alone is usually not a reflection on you. It is how we are wired. And we no more expect you to become like us, than hopefully, you expect us to become like you.
*********
As much as I love being an introvert, I still recognize some of the difficulties, both in being one and for those extroverts who love us. Yet I have always believed that such a difficulty is not insurmountable. It just requires, as it does with all human relationships, acceptance of the differences between two types of people, willingness to change if we can, and a greater focus on that which about the other person we appreciate the most. In most cases, those fine qualities we seek in others are present in both introverts an extroverts if we allow ourselves to look for them.

Improving My Reading

♦ February 11, 2013 ♦ Leave a comment

Rough guess: you’ve heard that good writers must also be good readers somewhere near one billion times. Not without reason, mind you, for it’s quite true. While there is no scientific way to quantify exactly how much a good writer should read, they should always be reading something.

The reasons are obvious; to get used to form, style, voice, tone. To become familiar if not intimate with the specifics of a genre. Even to gain a greater appreciation  for what goes into the creation of a work of fiction.

I read, and I read well. That is to say I have always had a high level of comprehension for what I read. My speed of reading is lower than I would like, I’ll admit, but nonetheless I do keep up a rather steady stream of fiction reading. And I understand structure and formula, (even if I myself sometimes eschew these things in my own writing.) But one can always improve one’s understanding even of things for which one has a natural talent.

To that end, only yesterday I ordered a series of college level lectures on DVD on the subject of what the company calls “artful reading”. The purpose of this audio course, as you can guess, is to enhance one’s ability to glean from fiction (mostly literature) such concepts as character, plotting, symbolism, tone, and all of those other goodies. The student should, by the end of the course, find the consumption of literature easier and more rewarding.

Most of what I read is not considered literature. An elitist term this day and age, to be sure, but one that does carry with it, at least for now, a certain set of criteria. Unlike some, I don’t feel obligated to always read literature. I’m no less intelligent or discerning for reading so-called “general fiction”. Yet I made the determination that by examining the nature of literature more carefully via an enrichment course such as this, I’d be likely to consume literature more often than I do now. That way even if I don’t write much literary fiction I’ll at least come at it with more confidence when I do. It can’t help but elevate my writing.

Who knows? After I conclude the course, perhaps I will revisit all of the “high” literature I was supposed to read, but generally only skimmed back in high school. Okay, probably not. But I do hope future forays into reading classic literature will become less laborious.

In the end, I think I need a break from advice and classes and guidance on how to write better. I’m a bit burned out with that. By taking a course on reading better, I’m bound t improve my writing indirectly. That is the true reason I am doing this.

I’ll keep all of you posted from time to time about how it progresses.

Wading in Publishing Waters

♦ February 7, 2013 ♦ 4 Comments

2013 is the year I’ve decided to begin my novel-publishing  journey in earnest.

That doesn’t mean it will be published this year, of course. It does however mean that I will this year begin to research what my goals are and what options I have to obtain them. I’ve thought about that before in broad terms, but it’s time to dive deep into the subject.

That means researching agents, small presses, and self-publishing options. It means trying to figure out if I have any marketing skills at all, and using those skills in ways that others do not. (Since I simply cannot replicate what others do.) Time to start pricing things, and figuring out where the money for said things will come from.

I fully anticipated that this process, as with virtually every other process I have undertaken in my life, will not unfold as it does for most people. It will not unfold according to the best of advice from people who have done it before. My thought patterns are much too different. My personality far too removed from that of most writers. Yet it is time to begin.

Somehow.

I’ve not made a decision this early on as to whether I want to self-publish or attempt the traditional route, though I admit self-publishing seems to be more likely to accommodate those like myself who do not wish to conform. (And I rarely conform.) And, after years of reading articles and blogs about it, the agent-seeking process does, at the moment, seem to have far more negatives than positives. I admit to needing more information, but, that’s what this process of research and discovery is all about.

I’ll be posting what I learn, questions I come up with, and difficulties I encounter throughout the year. I welcome your input and opinion into this process as I sort out what’s what.