Reverb12 Day Twenty Two: Theme Song
Back to DailyAngst.com this evening.
What has been your theme song this year? Have there been several? Make us a mix tape and tell us the meaning behind it.
These questions are quite common among introspective writing prompts. The old “what’s the theme song for your year?” or even “your life” prompt. It seems useful enough on the surface, and despite it being somewhat cliche, I enjoy the question. I enjoy pondering my playlist and wonder what songs could qualify as theme songs for my year.
That isn’t to say I came up with an easy answer. Like so many such things, I can’t take the easiest path to an answer.
For many, this would be merely an intellectual exercise. Think of a song with lyrics that match an important aspect of one’s life for that year, and make it your theme. For example, a young woman who during 2012 took on a grueling new part-time job to pay some bills could simply stamp “She Works Hard for the Money” by Donna Summers at the top of her playlist. Someone who fell in love and finally confessed it could go with REO Speedwagon’s “Can’t Fight This Feeling”.
Then there are those times a song is assigned as a “theme” to something based on nothing more than tangential linguistic connection. At football games, home crowds will often hear Toto’s “Hold the Line” when the home team is facing 3rd down on defense. Taken as a whole, that song has zip to do with holding a line in a defensive fashion. It’s actually a pop-love song. But the phrase, “hold the line” fits with the game situation, as does the upbeat nature of the tune.
That sort of thing is cute, but not enough for me.
For me, a theme song can’t just be appropriate on an intellectual or even lyrical level. A “theme” song should invoke during its brief moments the entire range of feelings and expectations, emotions and vision of its subject. No theme can cover everything about a show, a campaign, or a person. But to me it should nonetheless encapsulate, all be it in compressed form, the lion’s share of what something or someone is about. This can be done by way of only lyrics, or by way of only music, but the best themes posses both.
Stick with sports stadiums, Queen’s “We Are the Champions” is a prime example. It is overplayed these days and as a result has lost its punch to a great degree. Still, if a team has in fact won a championship of some kind, at virtually any level of competition, there’s a better than decent chance that this song will be played, either in public or in the locker room. That’s because the words that describe a long, grueling hard fought but well deserved victory are set to music that also invoke a feeling of slow rising to an awesome crescendo. Cliche, but effective.
All of that being established, can I say that there was a theme song, or even a set of theme songs for my life in 2012? It may not surprise you to learn that under this level of scrutiny no song is a perfect match. However, upon reflection I’d say that the song which comes closest is probably “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkel. Not an exact lyrical match the song nonetheless establishes a mood that fits perfectly with the story being told. And that mood in many ways suits much of my situation in many of my endeavors for 2012. (Though, I should point out, not all of them.)
Reverb12 Day Twenty One: One the Outside
Going back to Daily Angst today.
Sometimes you are left standing on the outside looking in. As you stood there, on the other side of the glass, were you thankful for the boundary? Or do you wish you could’ve been on the action-side?
Once in a while I volunteer my time. I haven’t had the best of experiences as a volunteer, so I’m rather selective of where I will do so. One of the local struggling non-profits for which I do occasional work has recently gone through a bit of a shake up in the upper offices. (I think every single non-profit goes through this at some point, and in many cases multiple times.)
Despite my having worked with the “brass” in this institution for a while now, my opinion wasn’t sought on the change. I was certainly left on the outside looking in for that one. At first this bothered me, and to some extent still does. But the more I think about it, the more I value my position on the outside.
Yes, I like helping people, and no I don’t think the institution is doing as good a job at that as they could or even as good a job as they used to. Do I have ideas that I know would help them in their mission of serving society? I do. Do I think I should have been considered after the time I have invested in this non-profit? I do. But in the end I think it’s best that I wasn’t involved in the political machinations of this group.
I wish to the heavens that some group somewhere could exist without politics and backstabbing playing a part in the proceedings. That the mission to help those who need it would trump pride, egos, conflicting agendas and the like. I long for an establishment where a sense of purpose became the keystone around which an organized, fair and efficient approach to the important work could be built. I suppose such places exist, but none of the ones I have been a part of recently.
If I set aside my own pride, I realize that the last thing I need in addition to being tossed around like so much flotsam and jetsam in an angry political sea, is to be part of that storm. Yes, I have much to contribute, but if by merely standing on the outside of the situation, (where I no doubt was intentionally placed) I am buffeted this much with little to show for it, how much worse would it be if I were on the inside as one of the opposing forces? Or worse perhaps, as someone to whom clean-up efforts were delegated?
The truth is, I do long to be more directly involved in helping people, and I do wish I could find a place wherein my involvement with the honchos would be considered an asset. (Perhaps one day even being a honcho myself, so long as people were being served as a result.) But until that day it’s probably best I am not part of the actions that are making (or probably breaking) any given institution for which I volunteer my time. I will continue to do what I can from the outside for now, and hope that my contributions make life better for someone someday. In the mean time, I will keep my hands clean from the internal messes.
The institution will either correct course, or it will wither and vanish as a result of its own tumultuous inner life. The latter would be sad, but I can at least say that if it comes to that, it wasn’t due to my leadership or counsel.
Yes, I’m glad to be on the other side of the glass for this one.
Reverb12 Day Twenty: Lost and Found
What was lost in 2012? What do you intend to find in 2013?
I lost friends in 2012. Not to death, but to heartless choices on their part to simply no longer be friends of mine.
Why did they make the choice? That’s the most heartless part of all; they didn’t say. In fact most years I go through this with a handful of people, and I am never told why. They just find it convenient, after years of friendship, to block me from their phones and computers, and never seek me out again. You’d think I’d be used to that by now. I’m not, frankly. How many times can one be told, “you’re like a part of the family”, only to be summarily ignored within a few months time for no discernible reason. Yeah, I’ve had that before, more than once. So I’m not used to that hurtful behavior, but I am at least somewhat numb to it now.
I think of my most loyal friends. The majority of them, (though not all of them), live quite far from where I am. I don’t see them, though I email them when I can. And they me. I wonder sometimes if it is the distance that keeps them friends of mine. I hope of course that is not the case, and that the individuals I am referring to would not, as so many local people have, dismiss me for no reason.
One could say that the nature of such betrayal and coldness on the part of local “friends” is due to them all being of a particular demographic. Their religious beliefs, perhaps. Or their politics. In many (though again not all) cases, those aspects of their lives are similar, yet differ from mine. Early on those differences didn’t matter, but perhaps they do now.
Or perhaps I have simply had bad luck in finding more open and tolerant social circles around here. I’m not the type to hang out in bars and other common social functions. I meet people through activities, and it could be those activities just are not attracting the same quality of people that they used to in this area.
Who can say, really? Only one thing is for certain; I have lost several friends in 2012, by their choice. Shame on them, as far as I am concerned, for putting up such a front.
As to what I hope to find in 2013, (in addition perhaps to more loyal friends), I hope to find a place wherein I can contribute more to the society around me. I have little influence over or connection to my community, though I have lived in this area all my life. I don’t know if that’s me, or if that’s the community’s fault. Or a bad mixture of chemistry between the two. Probably that is it. Whatever the case may be, I have had it with that, and I will be seeking out a place where I can make a significant difference by putting my own talents to use.
That “place” could be physical, as in finding another town to work in or become a part of. Or it could be more metaphorical, as in finding a niche community around here of which to be a part. Maybe even just find an activity or job wherein I am able to make more of a difference to the world than my current freelance writing career allows.
This new “place” could take all kinds of forms, but it’s something I need to find in 2013. I’m weary of my general insignificance in these matters.
Reverb12 Day Nineteen: Nourishment
How did you nourish your beautiful body in 2012?
What self-care practices will you take with you into 2013?
I could always do better at this, though I think I take decent care of my body by and large. Far better than I did, say, five years ago.
I eat far fewer processed foods than I used to. I am normally a walker as well. two to four miles most days. But this year I had fallen back on that, and it wasn’t just pure laziness. In fact, part of it has to do with taking care of myself in another way.
In the last year or so I have embarked not only on a renewed effort to secure more freelance writing clients, but to committing myself to writing more fiction for eventual publication. That means that my waking hours now are taken up not just with writing, but the ever present effort to look for places to write, researching, and sometimes just reading and keeping up with relevant news or trends. Then there is the time I take to read the fiction of other people. As an aspiring fiction writer myself, this is no mere recreation. A writer must read to keep the ideas flowing and experience the craft through others.
The times of day where I would in time gone by be walking a mile or two are often taken up with other things. In the winter time, by the time I am caught up on whatever my daily to do list is, it is often getting dark, and I can’t go walking.
The solution to that would seem clear; set aside time for a walk during the day. And I sometimes do that. But my walking routes are long and can take up quite a bit of time. My chances are better when there is more daylight, as I said. But even then it can be a pinch.
I thought I would try, therefore to start my day an hour or two earlier this year. I have only partially succeeded. It’s an on going process. But due to my night owl status it means I need to make the conscious decision to go to bed earlier than I would fall asleep naturally any given night, and commit to that schedule regardless.
Again, partial success in 2012.
Regular, consistent sleep is integral to the body. My entire life I have had a lukewarm relationship with proper sleep. I like everyone else enjoy sleep when the time comes, but the time does not always come on a regular basis for me. Like I mentioned, it comes when it comes. And even when I sleep, that business of “waking up feeling refreshed” never happens. (I mean who are these people that go to bed at night and literally wake up in the morning, stretch and feel refreshed??)
I’ve thought about seeing a doctor about the sleeping thing a few times, but have never gone through with it. I have tried to heal myself with the sleeping thing by taking the steps I have taken. And I have met with some success this year. (Except for that whole waking refreshed thing…)
I’d like to take my calculated approach to sleep with me into 2013, so I can have more time during the day. But time that is useful, not time during which I simply drag around for a few hours because I am up earlier than normal. Time where I feel, if not refreshed, than at least ready to conquer a few more things like taking a daily walk, so I can continue my committed to be better to my physical body.
Reverb12 Day Eighteen: The Color of Me
What color best represents the year you had in 2012? And why?
What color would you like to invite into your life in 2013?
As soon as I read this prompt, I thought of what I am calling faded purple.
Purple was traditionally a color reserved for royalty, so they say. The natural components to make purple pigments were uncommon and expensive for a time, and monarchs were generally the only ones who could afford them in any significant quantity. Thus purple became a symbol of both their wealth and later, their authority.
Though no longer exclusive to royalty, purple nonetheless continues to denote a certain uniqueness. An extravagant boldness if you will. Purple, in any context, tends to stand out among the other colors.
I went into 2012 with a sort of purple expectation in a sense. I started this blog, began a tighter focus on my freelancing business, and began a few new endeavors, all under the assumption of standing out and being quite royal in a sense compared to some of my peers and more so, compared to my recent history.
It didn’t quite occur the way I expected or hoped in several aspects of my life in 2012. And as time wore on and plans became memories without the intervening intoxication of success, part of my spirituality slowed. A few small ruts were formed. A wheel spun here and there. All and all the bold and at time audacious predictions and plans I made for 2012 began to lose potency. To fade, if you will. My purple faded.
And faded some more, and a little more. Despite some notable successes, the overall effect on the color of my year does seem to have been a dampening of the hue. Color bleached out by exposure to the elements for too long without reprieve.
A bit depressing and more than a little frustrating. But still purple. One may have to squint to determine it as such, but the color of the year is still purple. Even, dare I say it, somewhat royal purple after all.
That is the color of 2012 for me. Faded purple.
As for inviting color into my life in 2013, perhaps black and gold. Not the black of despair and hopelessness, but the black of deep rich soil into which I can plant many a crop. Golden not like the sunken treasures of pirates or proverbial doubloons, but of sunlight illuminated everything just a bit more than it has for a while, warming the aforementioned seeds.
Purple for 2012. Black and gold for 2013. Symbolic to be sure, but in both cases the colors just feel right to match the mood.
Ty Unglebower 