Pulling Back on Pushing the Envelope
I have written some posts here and other places that have gotten a lot of readers and comments. Pushed a lot of buttons and pissed people off. (At least based on said comments.)
And I have written a lot of posts that hardly get read at all. Posts that illicit zero comments. I won’t pretend it doesn’t bother me sometimes to be a part of the conversation for a while, and then suddenly to no longer be a part of it, as seems to have happened during the course of Too XYZ. But I have a feeling I know why it may happen like that.
Because it seems to me there are two types of blogs (or websites or podcasts, or Tweets) that get the most consistent attention. The Envelope Pushers and the Pollyannas. I am neither.
Pollyannas you know. Those who always write about how wonderful it is to be alive, and that all we need to succeed is a positive attitude, a willingness to learn and a dream. And those that have not succeeded just don’t know how to dream. If you read this blog, you know my general response to that sort of cotton candy already. So I’ll move on to the problem with envelope pushing.
I don’t believe in it. To some it is the very foundation on which they build their whole presence. They follow people who push envelopes and lament any given blog, movie, TV show, or song that doesn’t push an envelope. (As though pushing an envelope is synonymous with quality.) As a result, you have entire personalities based solely on the idea of pushing the envelope. It doesn’t matter to where the envelope is pushed, as long as it is making somebody uncomfortable or at least confused. Lady Gaga comes to mind. (Arriving in an egg. That’s so edgy.) So does that Ricky Gervais character at the Golden Globes.
Both are examples of people that have been made into heroes because they push envelopes and test the limits of propriety. But it seems to me they do it only for the purpose of doing so. Actions of people like that practically scream, “This will be seen as unacceptable to a whole bunch of people!” And in the end, that is a pyramid scheme waiting to collapse.
When you push an envelope just because it is there to be pushed, you actually become just as predictable as those who do not push the envelope. That’s right, you become just as common as those whom you think you are skewering. Because past a certain point being unpredictable is predictable.
Gervais and Lady Gaga are popular game changers in a way for the moment, because a large portion of the population believes that the very act of pushing an envelop in and of itself is a noble practice. That no matter how many people are offended, and no matter how low quality the result is, pushing the envelope is an end unto itself that you can only reject if you are unhip, old, or afraid.
But being an envelope-pusher doesn’t keep you at the top forever. And there is the problem with it. When your whole goal is merely to push, that becomes your focus. Not how good, clever, well written, well presented or valuable your product is in its own right. You become instead the producers of the cultural equivalent of the disposable razor. Gets the job done once, and maybe twice. But fundamentally it is a poorly made temporary piece of dump filling, environment strangling trash.
That’s not saying people won’t buy disposable razors. Look at South Park, the cartoon on Comedy Central. It’s still on, and is still one of the biggest money makers for that network. You can’t deny its popularity within a certain demographic. But when is the last time anybody had anything at all significant to say about its impact? Does anybody really care what Parker and Stone are thinking these days? Are they “game changers” now? No.
That is because they painted themselves, quite voluntarily into a corner of “envelope pushing”. They became known as those who would push the envelope and challenge what we call “decent”. And after about three years, instead of creating a good product they believed in and found clever while ignoring certain boundaries, they made their stated goal to push that envelope. So they dedicate entire episodes to menstruating statues. Funny for a lot of people, but how ground breaking is it? It’s just trash to which most people have become numb to it by now.
Same could be said for people like Howard Stern. Still popular, but his whole shtick is to piss people off and push whatever envelope is left to be pushed. And millions of fans, (the same people who have always followed him) don’t change his overall staleness.
I don’t do this when I blog, or Tweet. What I do is say what I feel needs to be said. I talk about the things in which I am interested. I share that about which I am passionate at any given time. Put more simply, I write as me all the time. And like many people, some of the things I believe are not going to go over well with the establishment. Other things I believe are not going to spark a lot of interest either way. Some things I believe are so mundane I guess people don’t feel they need to comment. Different responses for different posts.
Which is why many marketing geniuses would say I don’t get the traffic I could get here. Or on Twitter. Because I don’t work double time to piss people off like some of my more popular posts have. I don’t seek out the chink in the armor of everyone everywhere and jab my sword into it. I may at first attract attention with a controversial post, but lose readers very quickly once it becomes clear I’m no longer writing the stuff that eviscerates.
But I don’t keep this blog in order to eviscerate. Or to anger. Or to push that envelope. Yes, those things often happen in the course of me expressing what is within me that needs expressed. But I write this blog in order to present my interpretations and perceptions on common (and some not so common) situations in which we find ourselves as people. My life has informed said perceptions, and I want my voice heard.
But there is a difference between making my voice heard and making my noise heard. If I have to go out of my way to find something controversial to say in order to keep people reading, than I am just making my noise heard, and am not much of a writer. My writings serve the authentic me, and that is why my writings are my voice as opposed to my noise. Authenticity.
Now, I am still Too XYZ for this world. I will piss people off again. It is bound to happen. That is because while I will not go out of my way to piss people off, I am not going to go out of my way to avoid it either. I express through writing that which I am moved to express. And my readers will respond accordingly. Sometimes they won’t respond at all. But if I keep using my voice to serve the authentic me, someone will notice, as they have noticed before.
To hell with the envelope.
Now To Help (And NOT to Help)
Expertise is often a foundation of networking, both professional and personal. If you are willing to share your expertise or opinion with someone who is seeking same, you may find yourself a very grateful new contact who will be there to help you should you ever require it.
There are any number of ways to achieve this, whether online or in person. Trade shows. Message boards. Even blogs and Twitter. But to me there is a surefire way to drive away at least half of the people that came to you for help in your area of knowledge, regardless of the medium.
If you want to never be asked for your help or advice again, make extra sure to ignore the particulars of the one asking for your assistance.
Help is, after all, not a one size fits all concept. Different people have different levels of understanding, different resources, and different goals. When you assume that every person you help is at the highest level of each of these, your “help” becomes more like a exhibition of how much you know. Which is quite different from lending assistance.
Let’s look at a hypothetical. I am sure that many of you have encountered this sort of thread in a message board or other similar media. Maybe you have even had the displeasure of dealing with such a person in real life. But for now, let’s pretend we are visiting a reputable message board for discussing digital video. (The problem I talk about does seem to happen most often with computer oriented problems, but it is not limited to same.) An entry appears as follows.
“Hello all. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I’ve recently purchased a Lava 3 digital camcorder from a friend. I love it and it does exactly what I need it to do for my family picnic videos and a few other family activities. But now I’d like a chance to make something special for my grandmother, who couldn’t make it to our house this summer. (A little music in the background, a text title here and there, she’d enjoy that!) I bought TriloMorph on sale, and was installing it, but I can’t quite get my hard drive to read some of the extras. I know it works, because I’ve seen others use it with these type of computers, and I have done a lot with it at work. I’m comfortable with the interface, and that’s why I chose it. I’m not a techie, so any help would be appreciated.”
Now let’s look at a common sort of response such people get.
“Step One: Gather your receipt, put it in a bag, get in your car, return to the store IMMEDIATELY and return the garbage..err, I mean TriloMorph and get your 40 dollars back.
Step Two: Take that 40 dollars and invest it towards the $375 you’ll need to get SnipCrystal, which is an actual video editing software that produces quality videos your grandmother might, I don’t know, actually want to watch. Seriously, TriloMorph runs a CXT based system which may be good if you are making a 5 minute YouTube clip of a cat farting, but it has no graphic equalizer, no saturation compensation, minimal layering, and, thus far, no SmartPhone App to go with it. SnipCrystal has all of these things and more. The price is much higher, by you get what you pay for, and those who sit down to watch your videos will thank you later.
Oh and if there is anyway to use anything OTHER than a Lava 3 for your videos, like say, the Neptune 40X, that wouldn’t hurt either.”
Does this guy get a commission for selling stuff or what?
What we have here is someone that is obviously very knowledgeable in the subject, and someone who frequents the help boards for same. He has no problem expressing his knowledge. But the problem? He has not in the slightest way helped the poster who asked for it.
Okay, one could argue he was sort of helping in an obtuse way by suggesting what he considered to be better software. That is often the defense of people who reply in this fashion. But let’s take a look at how this guy’s expertise was of no use to the one who sought it.
–For starter’s he was sarcastic about it. The whole “get in the car and get a refund” bit is, sadly, a real example from my experiences seeking help from others.
–He ended by taking a swipe at the poster’s camcorder, about which the poster did not even ask a question. The expert has a hard time believing anyone would be happy with a Lava 3, even if they directly say, as in this case, “I love it“.
–The “expert” makes pretty broad assumptions about the poster’s technical knowledge. He mentions many things about systems, stabilization, and other options, and instantly makes those the selling point of SnipCrystal. But had he really paid attention to what was being asked, he’d realize that the poster wasn’t concerned about any of that. He already knows what TriloMorph can do, and that is what he wants. Perhaps because he understands it already, and isn’t sure about all of the other stuff.
–The poster didn’t ask for advice on the best video editor out there. He already expressed that he was comfortable with using TriloMorph, and had been totally happy with the results. He already owns the software. Certainly he knows his own grandmother, and that she will be happy with the results of TriloMorph. . But in this expert’s mind, there is only one best. Even if SnipCrystal is in fact the state of the art software at this time, he is still assuming that everyone everywhere wants the best. He operates under the assumption that any advice anywhere should be designed to obtain one thing and one thing only…industry best.
And that’s part of the problem. All of the assumptions that are made. People come to you for advice because they have a pre-existing set of circumstances. They are unsure how to proceed, so they seek your expertise. But your expertise is of no use to them if your first goal is to change their circumstances. You may have the best of intentions, but if you don’t take into consideration what it is the person wants, and what they come to you with, you are basically just mentioning how inadequate they and their goals are to you.
What if someone on that same message board had responded this way?
I haven’t used TriloMorph in a few years, so some of my knowledge may be outdated here, but from what you are describing, you seem to be missing a patch that came out about a year ago. You should be able to download it at the TriloMorph website (TriloMorph.com) A lot of it of course depends on what kind of computer you have, too, so if you try to patch and it doesn’t work, let us know the specifics of your device, and we will see what we can do from there to get TriloMorph up and running.
This person is also one of expertise. But unlike the first example he has taken into account what the poster is, has, and hopes to do. And he has used his knowledge to pull together an answer which will address the specific needs of the poster, as opposed to the objective pursuit of the highest quality home video production equipment. In other words, this second answer was focused on the one needing help, and not the one giving help.
Now of course, beyond a certain point, a person may have to upgrade, or change their tack with something. We get to a point where what a person comes to us with just simply will not work. But there is a difference between something being impossible, and something being less efficient, or less popular. Some people, myself included, like to master what we have, find its strengths and weaknesses, and over time, if we feel the need, move on to something else. If people like me jump right to the most expensive, biggest, loudest, trendiest widget or approach or class out there, we are just going to end up falling behind, or worse, resent how much information is being thrown at us all at once.
If someone is Too XYZ to take the highway, but you do in fact know a detour, share that with them. Show them the way to their own success, even if it is not the way you yourself would go. If you do that, you become people based, regardless of the topic, you will be seen as helpful. And, best of all, you will be seen as worth helping in the future when you need it.
Not Looking for a Hero
What happens if you don’t have any heroes?
Depending on who you ask, especially amongst the current generation, the answer could be anything from a life without satisfaction to impending global annihilation. Yet when I am asked who my heroes are, (and it is a very popular assessment tool) I don’t have a ready answer. Hand to God, I am not sure I know who my heroes are or if I even have any.
I suppose like with so many things it depends a great deal on how one defines “hero”. If by hero all that is meant is someone whose accomplishments and attitude I find worthy of praise, then maybe I have a few heroes. But even then the word leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, because it would seem to indicate a certain element of awe.
I don’t think I can say anybody on any level has ever held me in “awe” of what they are doing. It’s not easy to impress me in any field, let alone put me in a state of awe about who you are and what you do.
“She’s my hero because I am just in awe of what she has accomplished given her circumstances.”
A common testimonial that you will not see me propagate any time soon.
Not that I take anything away from people and their accomplishments. But those that succeed, even in fields in which I wish to succeed are so different in their approach, their abilities, their luck and their overall presence that to emulate them as a hero would seem a bit foolhardy. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. While advice can be useful, and following an example may pay a dividend here and there, we are in the end each different. Different struggles, different help, different luck to help us get where we end up, (or keep us from getting anywhere.) Is a “hero” really that different from me? Or you?
Leaders I can understand. The can bring order out of chaos, or shatter the status quo. A leader is necessary at times to bring a movement into focus so that the greater good can be accomplished. Yet in ideal circumstances they are a first among equals. (Heaven knows we are often far from that ideal, though.)
The supposed importance of heroes lies in aspirations to self improvement. We are told how important it is to want to be better than what we are right now. Society attaches future demonstrable success on a seemingly endless cycle of reinventing ourselves as more productive, powerful and marketable versions of ourselves. Ty 3.0, then Ty 4.0 and so on. This constant striving for a better you requires a template. A template that has already gone through the same processes and struggles on their way to their success as we are right now. We can then fixate on what they did, and motivate ourselves to do the same.
Hero worship in a sense, is a worship of that we wish we were, and hope to some day be. Therefore some degree of being in awe of a hero is often attributable to a lack of respect and acceptance of where we are at present if we are not careful.
Some of the same people who view heroes in this fashion would consider a lack of heroes equal to a lack of ambition and self awareness. Or on the opposite end, an indication that a person feels they are already of such value and worth, who is left that is worthy of being their hero?
In both cases, the judgment is unfair. At least it is for me. For as I said, I lack heroes as most define them, because the only battle I really need to be winning is my own, and the fact that someone else won their own battle, though admirable and worthy of respect, does not make them heroic per se.
Laurence Olivier. JFK. Emily Dickinson. Cal Ripken Jr. Each of them for various reasons and at various points in my life have exemplified certain qualities and perceptions that I share, or aspire to. But as amazing as I found some of their accomplishments, and as satisfying as it is to know that my opinions on certain issues are not that different from those of some of these highly influential and important people, I still don’t consider them heroes.
And I don’t feel adrift because of it.
How do you define “hero”? Do you have any? What does your relationship to the concept of heroes say about you? About society?
Cyber-Banishment
In life, what do you when you encounter an ass? (Or a bitch, if you prefer.) Someone who has nothing good to say to you, and half the time finds fault with whatever it is you are doing. Somebody that seems to enjoy the fact that they make you uncomfortable, and may even go out of their way to just piss you off. Or at least make no effort to hide their delight when they see you are pissed at something.
Do you follow them around? Do you write down all the bad things they say about you, and tape them up on your wall so people can read them? Do you blame yourself for not being together enough to avoid their actions, and try to find ways to re-invent who you are so that they don’t screw with you anymore?
Or do you take the sane, healthy approach, and just avoid them? If they enter the room, leave. If they call you, hang up. If they attend the same parties, hang out with other people. There just isn’t any benefit to exposing yourself, or other people to whatever their problem with you, or your work is.
And let’s face it, if the last nine encounters with someone have been insulting, hurtful, or any number of other unpleasant things, most of us are not going to stick around when they see the culprit approaching the tenth time, and wait for them to prove they are going to be an ass today. An ass is an ass is an ass.
So tell me then, dear readers, why does that very understandable, self-preserving behavior morph into “censorship”, “cowardice”, and “denial” when it is done online?
I have someone who follows me on Twitter, but never has a single constructive thing to say to me. Instead they belittle my every tweet. I block her. That’s what the button is there for. But I get accused of a lack of self-identity.
It’s even worse with a blog. I moderate the comments that appear here specifically to weed out such people. I don’t do it lightly, but after about the 15th bitchy comment, yeah I will refuse to post their comments anymore. And if I am really displeased, I will in fact go back over old posts and delete their previous comments. I’m avoiding the unpleasant. I’m refusing to engage someone who has proven time and again they add value to neither my blog nor my life. Yet I am accused of being “inauthentic” when I do so. (I won’t even dignify the borderline illiterate notion that this constitutes “censorship”.)
Isn’t the world filled with enough jerks? They are not going to go anywhere. Too often we have no choice but to deal with them. The online world is one of the few places we have at least some power to rid ourselves of such mischief. Why shouldn’t I embrace that chance by punching a few buttons and washing my hands of them? I want to provoke thought, and even discussion. But if people cannot discuss without being arrogant pains in my ass, you can be damned sure I am going to avoid them online as much as I would offline. You should too. Life is too short.
Do you consider it somehow “inauthentic” to block obnoxious people from your online platforms? Does it matter if others don’t seem as annoyed as you are, if you personally are put out by the behavior of someone else? Isn’t that what moderation of your online experience is all about?
10 Common Online Assessments Applied Offline
What if the metrics used online to determine the value of a person were applied to our offline interactions and relationships? The following assessments would not be uncommon:
–A natural brunette who opts to dye her hair blond, and feels comfortable walking along the beach in a bikini will not fit into our corporate culture, because she is clearly a slut.
Sound ridiculous? That’s because they are. Until of course people sign onto the internet.
Ty Unglebower 