Epic Adventures
One of my friends on Facebook is always posting status updates pertaining to her “epic adventures”. She seems to have one every week at least, and sometimes even more than that.
I don’t know her especially well, as we hang out it different circles, so I am not sure what the ins and outs of her life tend to be. So I finally asked her how she manages to secure all of these “epic adventures”.
You see, I don’t. Not very often anyway. In fact, let’s just leave out the epic part of it and say that I am not very often in the midst of adventure of any kind. I have tried to find adventure. I have tried to start adventures. I think we all need some sort of adventure in our lives at some point in time. On a fundamental level I think the human spirit is designed to undergo adventure on at least a periodic basis. Your definition of adventure will of course be different from my own, but by definition an adventure takes you a bit out of your comfort zone. It removes some of the certainties of everyday life. It tests your mettle in some ways.
In other words, adventures, in addition to being quite fun, expand your boundaries and help you to evolve as a person. Which is why I think all people should have them at some point. Everyone can stretch their boundaries and broaden their horizons.
I confess that I have not had much of a chance to do so. In any given era of my life adventure just doesn’t materialize. So I tend to marvel at those that encounter them with any degree of regularity. Like the friend from Facebook I mentioned.
So what was her answer to my question?
“I just tend look at normal outings with friends as epic adventures.”
Perfect answer. She is right. We tend to make our own sense of adventure. It is something within us, and I admire her ability to do so.
However, she is not doing it alone. She is blessed with friends that are adventurous. People with whom she spends time, and want to spend time with her.
I lack such people, by and large. Sure, I love a lot of my friends, and I feel they care about me as a person. But many of them are either too far away to use for adventure. Or are too busy. Or if neither of the above, are just not that adventurous.
The few friends that I have who are both adventurous and local honestly don’t seem to invite me on any of them. (I don’t include the friend I mentioned in this group…as I said our circles are very different.) But as for others closer to me that don’t invite me, I guess our wavelengths are too different for them to want me around for same. Or perhaps they think I will ruin the adventure. This I confess, is sometimes hurtful and sad. Not to mention stunting to spiritual growth.
Yet I won’t let it remain that way. I have a goal to find more adventurous local friends. People who define adventure in a way similar to my way. I have stagnated in life sometimes because I have not gone on enough adventures of any kind, and I know that this is partially my fault. Partially, it is the fault of having friends that don’t match up to the challenge.
Yes, I know we should be able to find adventure all by ourselves, simply by contemplating the magnificence of existence. I don’t fault people who can do that. I think it’s admirable to be that spiritually developed. But for right now, I’m Too XYZ to be that on top of things. You probably are too.
If you have not had many adventures, join me in seeking more of them out. It’s a pain in the ass, I know. It may be scary to some of you. But you must start to go on more of them. We must expand who and what we are. And we must find other people with which to do it. We must seek to surround ourselves with the adventurous types. God loves the duds as much as he loves the adventurers. And I love some of my dud friends as much as I love the action oriented ones. But let’s face it, the duds don’t challenge us. And in the face of stagnation, we need challenge. We need to mix it up. We need adventures. Epic adventures.
Optimizing Optimism
Be honest with yourself. You’re just Too XYZ to ever be an optimist.
Yes, you have read the articles and books. You have seen the movies. You have perhaps even attended the seminars and workshops. All of them insisting that the key to success in any endeavor is a constant stream of optimism. Total faith that things will work out. An expurgation of every single doubt and worry about your life. And as much as you may identify with the concept, you cannot put it into everyday practice.
You don’t wake up each day, jump out of bed and sing with a smile on your face, “Hello, World! What sort of happiness will you give me today?” You haven’t attained the ability within you to actually look at every failure and say, “What has this taught me, and how can I improve myself because this happened?” It’s not practical for you to say, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
Yes, there are really people who do that. I’ve met them, and so have you. They are the optimists. And we must face the fact that they do in fact meet with certain kinds of success more often than those who do not. Annoying perhaps, but indisputable. Yet don’t let anyone sell you the idea that you must become an optimist in order to succeed. You won’t ever be one, and neither will I. We’re Too XYZ for it. But we can succeed too.
Now, I may have given you permission to not be an optimist, but you don’t get off that easily. This is not a free pass to be a pessimist all day. You can’t park yourself on the other side of that road and bitch about everything and anything before, during and after it happens. Work is still involved, folks. Just make the work more suited to what you are.
We have the ability to obtain optimism. We just have to remember that we have a limited supply of it. It does not come naturally from within us. So, we become optimistic about something, as opposed to becoming an optimist as a way of life. Focus optimism on a target, where it can be more potent, instead of trying to apply it to our whole lives, where it gets spread thin and loses potency.
Work on smaller, individual moments at first. A single commute. One date. Maybe just one cup of coffee. Work on saying to yourself, (and believing it), “Maybe.” A simple “maybe” can in fact be one of the most optimistic things people like us can do because it involves no Pollyanna assumption of success, but there is no assumption of failure either, and that is the key.
When those little successes do come, (Good date. Perfect cup of coffee.), we can build up a reserve of optimism that we can take with us when the bigger challenges present themselves. And we can focus that accumulated optimism on the challenge, as opposed to trying to apply it to each and every aspect of our lives. Which means that yes, we then have room to complain (a little) about something else. We can be pissed about the weather, or we can bitch about getting the bad parking spot, but still be optimistic about the specific event in question.
After some time you may need to drop back and rebuild your reserves. For people like us, we may find ourselves having to do this if the big event is a failure, or even if it is a draining success. And it may take us a while to once again build up the optimism reserves at that point. We may have to go back to saying “Maybe,” about cups of coffee for a while. But at least this way we too can eventually reap the benefits of positive thinking, without having to beat ourselves up for not being Santa Claus.
When Honesty Is NOT the Best Policy
Got tact? If not get some. Now.
You are going to run into a lot of people that offend you. And I don’t mean enemies. I am talking about colleagues or even those who supposedly are your friends.
They will consistently make dismissive or insulting comments about you, or about something important to you. You will feel hurt by it, or at least irritated. But then they will guilt you into pretending you are not hurt, or that you shouldn’t be. These people will try to convince you that you have no right to be offended.
They’ll say:
“Hey, I tell it like it is. No bullshit with me. I call it exactly as I see it, and people who can’t handle that just need to stay away from me and get out of my way. Laughing at yourself is good for the soul, learn to do it.”
Translation: “I’m too bitchy to summon up the energy it takes to be civil to people, too lazy to try to understand something different, and too insecure in myself and my beliefs to just stay silent on the subject.”
Also, have you ever noticed that the people who are most proud of being able to “tell it like it is” are the very ones who are the most offended when you tell them how it is?
Don’t be this person. There is nothing noble in being frank to that degree. Sure, it may make you a few fast friends that share your propensity to make yourself the center of the known universe, but the rest of humanity will at best tolerate you, and more than likely despise you. As well they should. You should be building relationships, which is a two way street, not broadcasting that you are small minded and petty, and waiting for those that don’t mind it to show up at your doorstep.
Say whatever you want to your spouse, or within the confines of your home or your closest circle of friends. But once you step out onto the planet Earth, you are going to be dealing with literally millions of different ways to perceive this one life we have. That life is far too short to put people off by not censoring anything you say.
We are not talking about matters of conscience here. This isn’t about denying your religion, or refusing to stand against a moral wrong that you feel you have the power to bring to light. But ask yourself if telling someone that they always wear ugly sweaters, or that their stories are boring, or their boyfriend has bad teeth really rise to the level of high morality. Does your faith in God truly require you to make these sort of comments?
In the end, ask yourself if anything positive is coming out of something you are saying to another person. If you are not trying to save their life, or make them feel better about something, chances are your insults are simply expressions of fear disguised as honesty designed to aggrandize yourself. Do the world a favor and refrain.
And that’s me telling it like it is.
Go for the…Something
The Vancouver Winter Olympic Games are in full swing, and despite the really lousy American television coverage, (courtesy of NBC), several great moments have already been noted. Undoubtedly there will be more to come in the next two weeks. Probably because the spirit of the Olympics has not quite vanished from view yet.
You hear the stories every Olympics. There are the favorites and the powerhouses. There are the most touching personal interest stories. There are the ones who are not expected to medal in anything, and of course don’t, but attain personal bests.
And every once in a while we are blessed with witnessing those who were not expected to do anything, but come from no where and win a medal. Even gold.
One thing is true for all Olympians; they have very specific goals. They push their bodies passed what we could ever imagine, and focus their minds to such an extent that you can almost see them thinking. All in pursuit of whatever their goal is. Gold, or just finishing while standing up.
I envy those who go to the Olympics for many reasons. But perhaps the biggest one is the goals. Nothing about being an Olympian is easy, I would gather, except for the setting of the goal.
Cross the finish line first. Record a specific speed. Have more points than the other team before the clock runs out. Each event has its own specific goal that is required for victory. And each individual athlete chooses their personal goals from within that framework. Once done, all of that body-breaking, mind-bending work can be focused upon something. And the sharper the focus and the harder the training, the more likely we are to see amazing things from them. (Medals or otherwise.)
Many times, our goals are not as easily defined. We have to define them ourselves. And for people who are Too XYZ, that is sometimes the greatest challenge.
I know it has been for me. As a freelance writer, my overall, meta-goal if you will is to secure opportunities to be paid for my writing, build a portfolio of said writings, and make the world aware of my abilities.
Broad, I know. And not exactly something I can tape to the wall of a training room and work towards everyday.
I need more specific goals that are smaller, and that is where my problems lie. Something that can be obtained, say this month, or this summer. Sometimes any given single day. Something tangible that is not so nebulous as to remain a dream for too long, but also not so mundane that I can accidentally attain it without effort.
I have improved in this very crucial skill of small/medium sized goal setting. Somewhat. But given the nature of my (current) business, I can’t really set too many business goals. So that leaves more personal goals.
How do you set goals? Anyone have any stories or advice as to how the smaller, touchstone goals are set in our lives when we are Too XYZ to be mega planners?
And too slow for speed skating…
Share your thoughts with me, readers.
Two “Holidays”
Today of course is Hallmark Day. Or is that Valentine’s Day? Or is there a difference?
It also just happens to be the Chinese New Year.
I am not Chinese, but I honor the day more for the Chinese New Year than I do for that other atrocious corporate farce.
I’ve never liked Valentines Day when I was single. Nor have I liked it when dating someone. It is because it is a constant reminder, (out of many) of what our society thinks you should do today. How it defines romance or love. Men and woman latch onto this to coerce things out of their significant others every year.
If you have been reading this blog, by now you know that I am Too XYZ to cater to such pressures.
However, a New Year of any culture is a time to think about resetting, reevaluating, and planning. Starting over. Self-improving. It doesn’t matter most people in this country already had their New Year. Embrace the notion of another New Year. Of many new years. Of being able to start over again at any day. Any time. Simply by decided your status quo is no longer acceptable. By refusing to listen to what society and companies believe ought to be your way to success and instead defining your own. Anytime you want.
This is the key on this February 14th, to a life truly filled with happiness and yes, even love. To set one’s own course, and make the starting point any day, or any moment, you choose.
It sure beats third rate chocolates on a fifth rate holiday, doesn’t it?
Ty Unglebower 