Nothing to Fear But….Indecision Itself?
Many scholars believe that Hamlet’s fatal flaw was being indecisive. I have never agreed, and probably never will. An interesting discussion, but not germane to this blog’s content.
I, however, am germane to this blog’s content, and I have no problem admiting that sometimes I am indecisive. That perhaps being so has stagnated my life at times.
It isn’t out of laziness. It is out of over-analyzing the options I have. And perhaps sometimes it is the fear of making the wrong choice that leads me to studying something into oblivion. (I have made some doozies in my time, and each time I become more determined to not do it again.) The bigger the decision, the greater the chance of my indecision.
Here is an interesting post I cam across today, via Brazen Careerist. It sums up well the sometimes paralyzing nature of over-thinking our decisions. I recommend it for those who, like me, sometimes find themselves Too XYZ to make a decision.
Belated Sense of Direction
Too XYZ was designed not simply to offer personal advice and observations about succeeding, but also to, in as frank a manner as possible, examine some of the reasons I may be so far behind society’s (and sometimes my own) definition of success. While much of my lagging behind remains a mystery to me, years of introspection have led me to realize a great many possible reasons. Some could not have been avoided. Some could have been. Some are huge, and some started out quite small, and would, in theory have been easily rectified if I had as much self-knowledge at the time as I do now. I’d actually like to talk about one of the small things today.
Driving. I’m not especially bad at it, and once I have driven somewhere, oh, about 100 times, I have no problem with doing it. But there has always been a slight tension in me associated with driving. Especially when driving somewhere new. It’s better now, but for the first few years I drove, it was almost clinical.
It was a combination of things, really. First, my sense of direction is garbage. If I could park in a giant paper bag, I probably couldn’t find my way out of it on my own. Owning a GPS has for the most part eliminated this problem for me today, but for the longest time it kept me from things.
I don’t think you can really learn that. My mother has an exceptional sense of direction, and she is the one that taught me to drive. (My father died when I was a child, and zero people stood up to help fill the gap. Another reason I don’t have all the tools I need, but also another post.) So her sense of direction didn’t rub off on me.
Mom, however, is also a slightly nervous driver. Never takes highways except in an emergency. Doesn’t like to drive after dark. Likes to hover just under the limit. Because this was the type of driving I was exposed to 85% of the time growing up, and as I was getting a license, I did inherit those things.
So combine a lousy sense of direction with a pretty constant fear of other people in traffic, and you get someone who doesn’t drive more than 10 miles from home very often between the ages of 16 and 21.
When college came, I very rarely ventured further than a few miles from campus in the car for the same reasons. I feared getting lost, or hurting somebody. Fortunately in college there were more caravans on which I could hitch a ride to do stuff than there were in high school. But as far exploring nearby towns and such myself…never happened. Maps just look Greek to me.
To this day I do not do highways very often. (But more than I used to.) I won’t drive certain times of the evening or morning. Traffic makes me a wreck. (No pun intended.) So through the years, my job hunt, (a dismal failure anyway for much of my life) always took one thing into consideration first; can I reach the place via public transportation? If I couldn’t I wouldn’t apply for the job.
Now I am somewhat fortunate in that I live within the Washington D.C./Maryland/Virginia public transportation vortex. Trains. Metro. Buses. If I had ever gotten a job in those places I could have swung a public commute in most cases, I dare say. But this is beside the point. I am sure you can tell that such a timid view of driving, seemingly an insignificant character quirk for the longest time in my mind, was actually a moderate to severe limitation on my creating opportunities for myself in all sorts of areas. Career. Recreation. Social.
Could this have been different had I been taught to drive by a more adventurous, relaxed driver than my mother? Or was it a symptom of a deeper psychological situation within me that could not have turned out any differently, regardless of who taught me to drive? I imagine the true answer to that can never be known. But I mention it here because without a doubt it was something that initially seemed to be rather small; I don’t like driving. But over the years it became a significant hindrance.
And it remains a problem to some extent even now.
But I have improved. Again, the GPS has helped a great deal. I try to make plans that allow me to drive in lighter traffic times. Sheer practice on the horrible Route 340 in West Virginia, (whose traffic flow has increased by 65% since I first took it to a theatrical rehearsal 7 years ago) make things easier than they otherwise might have been.
But there is still no way in hell I am driving the D.C. beltway, no matter how good the job. And it would have to be very important for me to attempt I-270 in Maryland. But I do things now I didn’t do as a teen. Maybe in a few years I will be doing even more. If I’m not Too XYZ for it.
Look Before You Melee
I am not a true gamer. I have a lot of fun with video games, but I am perfectly content to play on what most would consider ancient systems. (Genesis. N64. GameCube.) Even when those systems were new, I often bought games that the serious gamers never bothered with. Mario based games, or winter sports related things. My low level of gaming skill wouldn’t allow me to enjoy, much less succeed in more hardcore games.
Once in a while I’ll play a first person shooter. (Set to the easiest level, of course, because I suck at such things.) Last night I actually beat such a game on my GameCube. A first person shooter that takes place in World War II. I think the historical nature of it compelled me to buy it last month at the used game store.More appealing than shooting aliens or zombies in warehouses.
It was frustrating at times, playing that thing, given my low skill level. But despite that it was addicting. Not just because of the realism, but because I managed to make slow but steady progress. Progress that made sense in the real world, as opposed to the usually confusing physics of other shoot-em ups.
In other words, I was learning from the things that didn’t work, and applying new strategies to accomplish missions when I played again. I remembered a concept that I’d encountered in a other video games I have played; if you want to get anywhere you have to remember to play defensively sometimes.
My video game history, pathetic as it is, is filled with games I never conquered, or made myself crazy conquering, because I’d be too anxious to advance. I’d run into every room and start blasting to hell everything that moved. In a boxing game I would basically never hit the “block” or “dodge” button. I would just pound away at the opponents head as fast as I could until he was knocked out. Such a melee approach often would get me quite far rather fast for the first, say, third of a game. Then, not surprisingly, as things started to get more difficult on the higher levels, I’d hit a wall. My characters would die quickly, or get knocked out in one round. All because I wouldn’t take the time to finesse things.
In this most recent game, that charging and blasting was not going to cut it, and I found that out fast. So I had to develop strategies. Sometimes I’d have to have the character wait, and duck behind something. Certain targets could not be reached unless I ignored other potential targets. Worst of all, a few missions required that I let myself get hit for a minute while things worked themselves out in my favor.
Same with the boxing. To win, I had to learn to actually do something other than punch. I had to block. Weave. Duck.
Over the years, I started to think that this approach may have been indicative of an attitude I have about other things. And it’s true; I do have a tendency to want everything done right now. To line everything up, work like hell, and then hope at the end I will have found success due to sheer cussedness.
I’ve learned that just like in some video games, that will only get you so far. To succeed in a career, in life, even in friendships, (especially in friendships?) one has to sometimes fall back. Assess. Go really slowly or even stand still for a while. Forgo one smaller benefit in order to get a crack at a much larger one. Once in a while, it even requires us to willingly take a hit, with knowledge that we will have enough power to get through to the end. In the last few years I have begun to take that approach more often, both on GameCube and in the real world.
Could this change in perception account for my somewhat increased success in these type of video games? Who can say? I can however be certain that it has contributed to an increased success in my life.
But watch out, because I am still unafraid to melee when needed…
Have you ever used a melee approach when finesse would have been more appropriate?
Half Belated, Half on Time
Between keeping up with more than one blog, still trying to understand the world of Twitter, a stubborn head cold and auditioning for plays, some things are bound to get left behind. But give me credit when it is due me, I fill in the void, albeit belatedly.
Fellow blogger, Twitterer, and freelance writer Melissa Breau, interviewed me last week as part of a series she is doing on freelance writers. Part One of that interview can be found right here. Part two is coming sometime this weekend.
Do me the favor of reading it, and letting me know what you think, and do her the favor of reading it, along with other posts of hers, and leaving comments and questions for her. She writes on many topics.
And of course, follow us both on Twitter, if you have it, though she is better at it than I am.
Kindred Blogger
I wanted to draw everyone’s attention to this post by fellow blogger, (and new Twitter acquaintance), Ashley Nicole.
She draws attention to how sometimes it feels like the hard work isn’t paying off. (Though she knows that one day it will, and she is right.) By far a more positive person then myself. But as someone who is just trying to meet some people, gain some influence, and make a dent, though not yet succeeding as she would like to, I can see in this post some similarities between her and myself. Perhaps she is ever so slightly Too XYZ in some things as well.
I was touching on a similar concept in my most recent post about being a victim. Ashley is not claiming the same things exactly as I did in my post, but I think there is a connection there that some people may have missed when reading my assessment.
So go read hers, and leave her some feedback, if you please.
Ty Unglebower 